In The Trenches: Infertility

Today's guest is Jen's friend, Asta. We love her witty comments and her heart. Her daughter, Stella, sent her paci away to Ada when she gave it up. How sweet is that?

Jen,

I thought I was going to hyperventilate. Could you actually be pregnant with another baby? I checked the text message again, and yep, it was really from you, and no, it didn't seem like a joke. Of course I was ecstatic for you. I've seen you walk through infertility and the loss of your first child (and then thankfully, the births of your boys). I knew this new life meant a lot to you.

But even in the joy, my stomach sank. There are days when motherhood just about does me in, and I only have one child. I can't imagine being you and facing the prospect of four kids under age 4! And yet, what's one of my highest desires right now? It’s to get pregnant and add another child to my already crazy life.

Asta, Stella and hubby Isaac after completing a 5K mud run!

This isn't my first time dealing with infertility. It took several years of trying to finally get pregnant with my daughter, Stella. We've always wanted at least two kids, preferably spaced the "optimal" 2 years apart. Well, Stella turns three soon and I'm not pregnant yet, so obviously God is running late according to MY perfect plans.

The waiting game is different this time around. Thankfully, I do already have a cute little girl living in my house. I'm usually too busy with her to dwell on what I'm missing. One hard part about infertility now is that my life is full of other mommy friends, and there's always somebody announcing a new pregnancy! I see other families with more kids and feel sad that Stella doesn't have a sibling yet.



Over the past few months, God has been working in my heart, and I am mostly at peace with waiting. To get there, I had to deal with some ridiculous lines of thinking. They seem pretty absurd now, but that’s where I was.

Ridiculous thought #1- "The reason I'm not pregnant is because I haven't proven myself as a good mom." It's as if I imagined God looking down on me and saying, "Hmm…that poor dear can hardly handle one kid. I'd better go easy on her and not send another!" Or worse, I must be doing such a horrible job that he's regretting His decision to let me be a mother in the first place.

While there are a lot of things I don't understand about God, I'm 99.9% sure that's not how it works. Lots of people who have NO business being parents have gotten pregnant (and reality TV wouldn't be nearly as entertaining without them). I don't actually believe that only those who are worthy receive joy-filled bundles from the stork. And yet…if I don't watch out, it's easy to feel like I must not deserve another child.

Taking after her dad.

Ridiculous thought #2- "I am such a wimp for thinking that parenting one measly child is hard work." Because I'm not dealing with, say, a newborn AND a toddler at the same time, I have a hard time feeling worthy of the exhaustion that comes with being a mom. My friends with two or more kids are the "real" moms, while I'm stuck back at the rank of "junior" mom.

I'm still wrestling with that thought, because, at the very least, more kids equal more laundry, and that sounds harder to me. The truth I try to hold on to is that God has given me THIS life for a reason. The comparison game can mess with your head no matter what aspect of life you apply it to.

Jen, I would love your prayers as I continue to wait and learn how to deal with God's answer of "maybe, but not yet."

Asta
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Asta,

I am so thankful for your honesty. You are in the trenches and so many couples can relate (though I wish that weren't the case).

I am also thankful for your friendship and support, and the example of great parenting you've shown me (People, Asta's daughter ASKS for broccoli for breakfast), and how you continue to serve and seek Him in all of this.

Ann and I have had you on our prayer list for a long time and will continue to intercede for you!

Love,

Jen

I'm Not Expecting

Jen,

This first week and a half engaging in healthier habits has been good. Good but different than I thought it would be. I thought I'd be having a hard time keeping up with a better food plan but instead I have had a hard time acknowledging some emotions and thoughts I didn't realize I had.

Ever since my 20-week ultrasound with Ada I have made comments that this would be the last child that came from this body. Most people took this to mean I had a very difficult pregnancy. The pregnancy itself was not anything different than most people experience, it was the doctor's appointments, the unknown of whether she had Down syndrome and the pressure I felt to give people answers. I wasn't even sure what I meant when I made this comment until this week.

At this point I may have reached my capacity on the children I raise well, but more than that I fear that if this body produced another child it would come into this world with another disability. I love my children like crazy and I believe I have accepted their bodies even if they are different than the typical child. Of course this is not without concern for their future and the way society may accept them. My prayer always is for a loving community to surround them, that they would be confident in themselves to be who they are, and strong enough to advocate for themselves.

Ada, 5 1/2 months

When struggling with infertility I often struggled with the feelings of inadequacy. Now in my brain that does not make any sense. I had little control over my body and couldn't control if it would or would not get pregnant, but deep in my heart there was a sense and wondering if somehow it was all my fault. I wanted to give my husband, Greg, children and now again I am struggling with feeling that I am stopping the process of giving him one more. I am feeling this same way about Down syndrome.

I wouldn't want Ada to not have Down syndrome because, well, Ada wouldn't be Ada anymore, and I truly am looking forward to the continued change in our family's hearts as we realize that we don't need to look or be a certain way. That we just need to embrace who we are and accept the love of our Creator. At the same time I don't like that she will struggle with sitting up, eating, walking, talking, etc. I don't want it to be hard for her! I can also feel this same heaviness for June having to wear hearing aids. To me, I forget they are even there and I think she looks bare without them but I am sure not all of society will see her like I do.

Catina and June selling lemonade

I am grieving the potential of another child because at times I wonder if maybe we'd welcome one more if we didn't have the extra time put into exercises, therapies and doctor's appointments. At the same time it's been nice to think about gaining my own body back postpartum, to eat and be who I should be physically to stay healthier for myself and for my family. 

It's also been nice to think these are my girls and let's just focus on them for now! For so long we were trying to conceive that it's become a natural part of who I am. Even with my first periods after Ada I had this pang of sadness that I wasn't pregnant, and then would remember I had a very young baby. My mind had been conditioned to grieve each month and now I can release that and be grateful for the THREE children I have! Three, Jen, can you believe it?

Sleepy Ada

This is just the beginning of what I am embracing and understanding. Greg is so loving and reassuring that we are in this together and he is grateful for our lives now. This is helpful. Please pray for me as I sift through these thoughts and emotions and pray that I continue to learn more about what it means to be loved by Jesus.

Ann

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Ann,

Thanks for your honesty and a peak inside your deepest thoughts.

I remember having conversations about whether or not we'll know when we're "done" having kids (dreaming that we'd actually have the choice!), and I know we never considered what you're experiencing.

Praise God for a wise and loving husband, and three precious girlies. I do pray that you would embrace Christ's love and reassurance while you journey.

Makes me think of this beautiful song:

Jen

Mother's Day

Ann,

Happy Mother's Day!

Remember all those years when this holiday might as well have been called Everyone Who's Fertile (Unlike Me) Day? Oh, how I dreaded going to church on those days. There would always be roses or some kind of token given to the moms, "But please, even if you aren't a mom you are welcome to take one," the pastor would add. Do I take one and then hope everyone heard that disclaimer? I'm not saying I'm a mom because I took one, he said I could! Or do I refuse one, and just stick out like a sore thumb? I don't mean to sound trite, but sometimes you just have to laugh.

After Elisabeth was born and died, that first Mother's Day was a strange mix of pride and anguish. I go straight to tears remembering my friend Erin who sent me the most lovely card that May to recognize my "mom" experience. It's in Elisabeth's baby book and forever etched on my heart.

This Mother's Day, in addition to honoring my amazing mom and mother-in-law, I'm going to make a point to remember the women in my life who I know are waiting on a baby, or who have lost a child. I remember how much those small acts meant to me and I hope to pass along that love.

Jen

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Oh Jen!

This holiday is like Christmas. For some reason whenever it came around I couldn't believe another year had gone by and we weren't celebrating a pregnancy! Thanking Jesus for giving us these gifts of children now.

Lord, comfort those who are waiting to be Moms, who have lost Moms and who have lost a child as we approach this day of recognition. May those around them be sensitive and loving.

Ann

In Vitro Fertilization

Ann,

Lately I've really been into two reality shows: Giuliana & Bill and The Little Couple. I think I'm drawn to them because their stories seem similar to mine. We have all walked the road of in vitro fertilization.

I got hooked on both shows because their marriages are really great and actually inspire me to nurture my relationship with Levi. But after a few seasons, both have found themselves on the road to building a family and finding it to be quite difficult. Giuliana has been diagnosed with unexplained infertility (like me), and Jennifer from The Little Couple had reproductive assistance because she can't safely carry her own child. Both turned to IVF.

Although the shows convey only a small portion of what you endure with IVF, I am so thankful for the procedure to be getting attention, and hopefully more understanding and acceptance. I think back to my three IVF cycles and how we kept it very private. If I would have had a way to properly explain what I was enduring I might have been willing to share with more people. But the thought of educating others on my condition and what I was undergoing was too daunting. If only I could have said, "Listen, just watch Giuliana & Bill. That's what we're going through."

But we didn't. We kept it mostly to ourselves, which I don't necessarily regret, but looking back it feels so strange. I remember, after weeks of pokes and appointments, going through my first egg retrieval, where I was under general anesthesia and then on bedrest for 2 days. I spoke on the phone as if everything was fine, and even went back to work on day two in my home office, typing away in the recommended reclined position--in a lawn chair! I remember having to hitch a ride from an unknowing friend to my embryo transfer because it ended up falling on a Sunday morning and Levi had to preach!

I know the procedure is still met with some controversy. But I am overjoyed by the men and women who are smart enough to become specialists and figure this out and give women like me the chance to conceive.

Jen

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Jen,

I wish I could've driven you to that appointment on a Sunday! This is what I pray for those who are choosing to pursue IVF. That they would have the support from family and friends to be there for them. 

One of the hardest parts of pursuing any medical help is understanding the procedures and clinical jargon. What makes it even harder is to have to explain it to someone else. And let's not forget all the opinions you may have to deal with, and many of the negative opinions are due to lack of education. Greg and I went through the IUI (insemination) procedure and so many times this was mixed up with IVF. Most of the time I didn't even care to explain the difference. It was just too tiring. The journey itself is exhausting enough let alone having to explain what you are going through in the midst.

We've said this before but doctors don't create babies. God does. He also gives doctors the information to help us. I thank the Lord for procedures that can aid us in conceiving.

Ann

Say What?

Jen,

I've been dying to write a list of things to say/not to say when supporting those who are waiting for children. I'm hoping if we miss suggestions that those reading will comment and we can add them.

What to say:

• How can I support you during this time of waiting?
• When I know someone is pregnant or I am pregnant myself how would it be best to tell you?

What not to say to anyone:

• So, when are you gonna pull the old goalie?
• Don't you know that not having children is the most selfish thing you can do?
• Why don't you just adopt?
• My friend's cousin's sister adopted and then she got pregnant.
• Oh relax! You should go on a vacation. That would do the trick.
• Guess what? I'M PREGNANT! 
• I just look at my husband and I'm pregnant.
• Do you know how kids are made?

You don't have to struggle with fertility to support someone. My sister-in-law, April, has four children and was such a great support and very understanding. April asked me how she could best support me and I was able to be honest with her. For me, I wanted people to give me the punch line when they were pregnant and not to make it full of drama. April was so gracious and before I attended a party with her, she let me know she was going to announce her pregnancy. She knew I'd rather have a heads-up to deal with my emotions before I showed up. I was so grateful, and I was able to sort through my emotions before I got there and truly be happy for her and my brother-in-law. 

What things do you think we could add to this list?

Ann
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Ann,

In general I just think it's so important to ask someone how you can support them. Even if we don't know what we need, it's just nice knowing you care enough to ask!

On that same note, I do think it's important for women to figure out how to communicate any need they are aware of. For instance, I remember being asked a few times by a friend to babysit her children. It was during my latter waiting years, and I had to tell her that I just wan't in a place to build relationships with kids who weren't my own. I know how selfish that sounds, and I LOVE children and used to cherish the time with friends' kids, volunteering to spend time with them. But I knew the season had come when it would be too uncomfortable, and I had to risk looking bad in order to protect myself. This is a very thin line to walk, but I know it was the right thing to do.

Jen

Again?

Jen,

After trying to conceive for the first time for more than two years, everyone made comments about how the next time I should have no problem getting pregnant. They teased me that I'd have a bunch of children close together. Little did they know that it would again take us two years.

Although I did not have secondary infertility (since Catina was conceived with help, this second wait is just another case of good old infertility), I experienced a lot of the same emotions that second time around. I really wanted to live this second journey to a child well. I did the best I could with the desires I had the first time, but I knew there was room for improvement. 

That second time around my hope was in Christ and not in a child, and this lesson was mainly learned through your baby, Elisabeth. Life is short, and if we can bring glory to Him with what we do have, than this is where I would and will find true fulfillment. While waiting for June, our second, I struggled with believing people thought I was ungrateful for the child I already had, which of course was not true. If anything, having Catina gave me a desire to love more children and to have siblings for Catina to experience life with!

On my birthday in 2009 I went in to see my specialist to begin another cycle of medical help. We had waited long enough and knew we need "help" again. But since I had a toddler and was working, I was dreading having to fit a million doctor appointments into my schedule.

I walked into the office for an ultrasound and was informed by the front desk nurse that my doctor had suffered a heart attack that morning! Fortunately he was still alive, but I was informed that it was already decided that he would no longer run his practice. I had no doctor. I walked out of the office laughing. I laughed like Sarah. If I didn't laugh I knew I would definitely cry. The stress of figuring all this out was becoming unbearable...and now this!

A few months earlier I had hurt my back and saw a chiropractor for the first time. I continued to receive adjustments for an injury that had happened more than ten years before, and I felt better than ever. With the Lord's help, medical help, and chiropractic care, I was able to see the positive on a pregnancy test for the first time!

Since Catina was conceived with some help, my positive pregnancy for her was confirmed at the clinic after a blood draw. So I never had never seen a positive test before and I couldn't believe my eyes. I used to think that it wasn't possible for me to actually see a positive and often joked that I believed pregnancy tests didn't really work.

(As a side note have to share this video about pregnancy tests that don't work!)

A year after my laughing spell on the front stoop of the fertility clinic, my new baby June laughed for the first time. And, who other than my first baby, Catina, to make her laugh!

I pray those we are interceding for will be able to laugh during this time of waiting and that they'll soon hear the laughter of their little one.

Ann

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Ann,

Oh, how I remember the days of the broken pregnancy tests. I don't even want to know how much money I spent on those things over the years. It seems funny now, but of course when you're waiting on a baby it's absolute torture. And I would hang on to that random story of a friend's neighbor's niece who was pregnant EVEN THOUGH the test was negative.

I can imgaine secondary fertility really messing with a woman's mind. She conceives without issue the first time around, and then all of a sudden it isn't happening. Our bodies are such mysteries.

And I'm glad you mentioned how easy some of the "help" can be, like adjustments. Or like a friend of mine who had to go on blood thinners to help the blood flow to her uterus (she'd had multiple miscarriages). Or sometimes it takes much more than that, but you just never know until you try.

Jen

Defining Infertility

Ann,

I've talked to a lot of women who have struggled to conceive, and yet they don't see themselves as infertile. 

Of course it doesn't matter what kind of label we put on it, my concern is that women and men arm themselves with knowledge regarding the help that's available to them. Unless they acknowledge their difficulties conceiving, they may never discover all the options available to them.  

Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite have frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year--or for at least six months if the woman is age 35 or older. (Found on Mayo Clinic's website.)

When I began this road at 30, I remember my gynecologist spouting off this definition, trying to give me a kick in my "I'll be fine, just give me time" pants. When she said "frequent" I was all, well THAT'S our problem. It's only a couple times a week (on a good week). Evidently she considered that to be frequent, and particularly if you think you're hitting your cycle at the right spot. Sorry to get so personal, but I just know there are naysayers out there just like me.

This is one of my biggest hopes for this blog, that some woman out there who's struggling to conceive would even consider talking to a professional and hearing about her options.

Lord, give these women a strong faith to seek You and receive guidance for their lives in this area. Amen.

Jen

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Jen,

This week is "National Infertility Awareness Week." Let's share resources, stories and other ways to help those we love during this time of waiting!

Some who are waiting may need to see a specialist whereas others may need to change their diet and see a chiropractor. With prayer and the potential help of one of these professionals, people can step closer to becoming pregnant.

And, in this, we must also remember our sisters where nothing has worked. Let us pray that the Lord directs them to love the children around them or to take a step towards adoption. No one way is the right way for each person and this is another hard leg of the journey. I pray people see us as a support rather than thinking we believe we have all the answers.

I'd like to remind people to visit our prayer page if they'd like us to keep them in our prayers. Our desire is to be a friend to these women.

Ann

One More Month

Ann,

When I look back on those years of trying to conceive, I have a memory of constantly thinking “just one more month.” It’s so hard to reconcile the fact that time might take care of the issue versus biology, and the fact that for some people, a little help is just necessary.

Help can be something as basic as taking heparin, a medicine that thins the blood and increases the flow to the uterus (my doctor suspected this is why I once had a very early-term miscarriage), or it can be in the form of in vitro or a surrogate. The possibilities are practically endless, even though our hearts and wallets aren’t.

I remember being prescribed clomid for the first time. I was so convinced that it would render me instantly pregnant that I carried it around in my purse for SIX MONTHS (obviously looking for the perfect conception date). When I finally took it, and took it again and again, I could not believe it wasn’t working!

Soon I learned that no drug or procedure could “make me” pregnant. I was so thankful for the genius of these doctors and interventions, but it was up to the Creator to breathe life into me. This was actually an incredible comfort; it took away the nagging feeling that we were manipulating something, that we were “making me” pregnant. It’s actually laughable. But when you’re in the trenches, with people getting pregnant so easily all around you, it’s hard to believe that it doesn’t just happened that easily for everyone. Especially if you’re willing to wait just one more month.

My hope for these women and their spouses we’ve been praying for is they would find peace about their journey, and that their next steps would be made clear to them.

Jen

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AMEN!

Jen,

So crazy that you should write this because I was just thinking about this the other day. When things were not happening for Greg and me, I remember a friend recommending a fertility specialist and I was very resistant. Somehow I couldn’t comprehend why we weren’t getting pregnant. I kind of felt like a failure admitting we may need medical help, even though logically that doesn’t make sense because HUMANS CANNOT CREATE BABIES, ONLY GOD CAN! Even if medical help is used, babies aren’t guaranteed unless God ordains it.

The only reason I moved forward with going to see a doctor was because respected friends urged us to at least have a consultation. At that point we were more open with people about wanting to be pregnant and how it wasn’t happening for us. You can only hear so many comments and questions about the “when” from people and I wanted people to know it wasn’t for lack of trying. I wish I could say that once I saw the doctor it was an easy decision what to do next but it wasn’t. I’m glad I did but it wasn’t the funnest thing I’ve ever done.

Ann

Walking With Them

Jen,

Recently, I was driving through Birmingham, the same route I would go to visit our Fertility Specialist’s office. It’s weird but every time I drive past there I have these mixed emotions. It’s the same feeling I used to get when I would drive to my appointments when I was trying to get pregnant. I was very anxious and nervous and not once did I feel confident that this next test or procedure would be the one. There were no guarantees and only God knew what would happen. These moments of intense emotions remind me to pray for our couples who are trying to conceive.

My heart has been heavier for them lately. Maybe because I now have a third child and never thought I’d be here without having to wait very long. Getting pregnant this past time more easily (11 months of being “open” to it) feels surreal and I know I did not accept the pregnancy as quickly as the others. I guess I was in shock and can’t believe it really happened. I mean, I got pregnant like a “normal” person and there was no anxiety involved. Having to work harder to have babies has been a part of who I am and I think this has thrown me for a loop. I was accepting that trying for long periods of time was a part of what I had to do to have children. I have such a heart for these women who are waiting for their babies and I don’t want them to look at my story and think I don’t remember or understand how they feel. I don’t want to forget because the journey has refined me in ways I am so grateful for.

I remember when we began praying for people who were trying to get pregnant and the Lord continued to give us more and more people to pray for. One woman’s name, we’ll call her Leah, was given to me by a dear friend and for some reason I knew this one was special to me. It’s hard for me to just pray for someone and not let them know that I’ve been through a similar situation, so we began to e-mail and talked once on the phone. I remember you started e-mailing with her as well and together we prayed for her. Recently, I was wondering how she was doing and in my response to her e-mail wrote the following:

I know this sounds funny because I know we don’t know each other well, but I do think and pray for you often. After each child has been born I have these weepy hormonal moments the first few weeks and I remember the first week after Ada was born I thought of you and cried. Not because I felt sorry for you, but because I really want your prayers to be answered. In the midst of infertility it is so hard to pray for ourselves. This is where Jen and I come in. We can pray for you. We can be your voice.

Exodus 17:10-13

So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other--so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

I would love for us to be your Aaron and Hur.

One of the reasons we started this blog is to pray and love those who are waiting for their children. I’m excited about what is to come next!

Ann
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Ann,

I am excited, too. If not only to share the stories of these couples, but also to remind us of the divine and unpredictable nature of conception. The stories are real and close to home, and every single journey is unique.

Jen

Remembering

Ann,

I remember it like it was yesterday, although I only think about it this time of year. We were sitting at a restaurant and a family–three generations–was seated nearby. They were passing around a new baby like a hot potato. I was fine, actually feeling joy for them, until someone held up the baby Lion King-style. That’s when I lost it. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and the tears fill my eyes. I tried to get it under control but after we paid our bill we took a little walk where I really let loose.

We were a couple days away from Lent, and around Easter I was scheduled to have another procedure (likely my last, regardless of outcome) to try and conceive. It’s really hard to describe the emotions, and yet I can feel it in my chest and throat the minute I go back there mentally.

We had been on this journey for about 5 years, and even though I was by no means weary of the procedures, there’s only so many times you can try. This felt like a turning point one way or another: if we got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby, great; if we didn’t, what was next? Neither of us felt like we fit in suburbia without kids, and Levi pastored a church full of young families.

I had been so good about pulling on genuinely happy emotions for the dozens and dozens of friends who added to their families during these years, yet I was beginning to grow tired of baby showers and meal deliveries to new moms.

I was weary of the questions and unsolicited opinions from friends, family and strangers, I’m sure with good intentions. I’d heard my share of advice on how to have sex, how to truly relax, how to let go of wanting a biological child and adopt, and how their neighbor’s sister’s niece got pregnant after all these years, and all she did was go to Hawaii!

Dealing with infertility is a very lonely experience. I cannot imagine walking through it without the support of Levi and you. You were the one I called when I learned how to give myself shots, you were the one I vented to when I was on a hormone-induced rant.

In the weeks to come I’d like to tell some of those old stories here. I hope you’ll relive them with me and take a fresh look at how much we’ve learned.

Jen
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Jen,

What is crazy I remember you telling me this story like it was yesterday but it has to be at least three years ago! I can feel the pit in my stomach as you shared watching those people hold their baby. I remember not knowing what to say because even though I, too, had my share of visits to the fertility doctor, my daughter was conceived in the first round of “tries.” What words of comfort can you give to someone when you really have no way of seeing the future?

I also remember feeling relieved that you were admitting how much you wanted a child. You were so good at being genuinely happy for others that I felt it was unfair that you weren’t always able to express your desire for a baby.

You and I have been praying for our friends who are waiting for their children. I’d love for us to be able to tell others about the feelings we had and how to walk alongside friends who are going through the same. We have discussed wanting to eventually have a place where we can lift up those who are waiting for their children and soon this will be the place.

I’m looking forward to remembering with you, and maybe even learning something new, about your journey towards your beautiful children.

Ann

Silence

Ann,

My favorite part of the day, second only to the periods of happy, content play from our three boys, is the hour after bedtime.

After kids are tucked away, there is a lovely, deafening silence that is a shock to the system compared to the laughs (or screams and cries) from only minutes before. As I scurry around picking up toys and books and milk sippies, I am overcome with gratitude for my day spent with them. Having the chance to reflect on the day allows me to mentally rehearse the moments I will reenact to Levi later that night.

The moment also puts a lump in my throat as I recall the not-so-lovely silence of our home only a couple of years ago. I recall standing in the empty bedroom rocking back and forth, crossing my arms across my chest, trying desperately to imagine the weight of a child snuggled close. I remember praying for the smell of poopy diapers to fill the room, for an abundance of toys that would get caught underfoot. I remember praying for a loud house–a house that I knew would make me as anxious as it would overjoyed! I cannot express with words the gratitude I feel as I experience just that every single day.

I’m feeling especially thankful lately for these priceless moments of reflection that gently put order and perspective to my days, days that can sometimes leave me harried and unsettled.

Jen

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Jen,

These are the moments that God is teaching us about and I believe we will learn more than ever this year that the present is a present. Thank you for sharing this as a good reminder of how long we prayed for our children and how in the midst of chaos we are grateful for the craziness; not so long ago we were at a standstill with silence as our background noise.

Recently a friend sent a blog entry about cherishing the moments with our children by Glennon Melton. She writes:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.”

What I am admire about you and hope to emulate is your sense of Kairos time. I am hoping this year I learn to incorporate that more than ever. Next Wednesday is Ash Wednesday which begins the Lenten season. I am asking the Lord to teach us something deeper about this lesson and to help us to apply it to our lives.

Ann