Oh My Little Ada!

Jen,

Most days I don't dwell on Ada having Down syndrome. I do think about it every day because as a mom I really have to. I think about if I have all her doctor's appointments scheduled; I think about whether or not she's had enough tummy and sitting time each day, if she's held a spoon, if she's tried picking up puffs by herself, etc. Now I do believe a lot of moms who have typical children think about these same things, but I'm thinking about them because I want Ada to reach her highest potential alongside Down syndrome.

Ada is now sitting up and clapping. She seems to be raising her arms when we say "How big is Ada?" At times I wonder if that is an accident but I have to believe she really does get it. She loves to be bounced up and down and will laugh like crazy when I do it. She's eating baby food really well and has started to eat puffs and soft bread. She is constantly up on all fours rocking like she is getting ready to crawl.

So hard to get this girl to smile for the camera because she's obsessed with grabbing it and observing!

Last week I took her for her 9 month appointment and she is a little over 13 pounds. She's still in 3-6 month clothing and can wear 6 months but it's a little baggy on her. It actually works best to wear 3-6 month pants and 6 month tops. You know how much I hate changing bins for clothing the first year of life so most of the time she just either has to go baggy or a bit short. Poor thing!

Her doctor is so pleased with how she is doing. He said she is on the curve in every way for a typical child. This is good news right? But somehow it feels strange to be excited about that. I mean, wonder if she wasn't? She'd still be Ada. We'd still love her. It's in these moments I get confused as to how I should be hoping. Do you hope for the smartest physically fit Down syndrome child who can compete with some typical children? It just seems weird.

Sitting up like a big girl in her crib.

 At the Down syndrome walk this became evident to me. People send me Down syndrome articles and videos all the time. I totally appreciate them. It's great to see. I remember people sending me, and at times still do, all the videos about children who were deaf and could speak well or who turned out to be great musicians. Great for those children and great to know about the different potentials children with these disabilities can reach! At the same time I wonder if my child can't do those things will that be disappointing? I really don't want to be disappointed in them especially if it's not their fault.

It's this weird conflicting emotion that goes on inside of me. When these moments come I remind myself that I just want each of my girls to be the best they can be. To reach their full potential and not the full potential of what their disability is.

Another weird conflicting emotion races through me when someone sends me a video or article about a person who has one of my children's disabilities and says "Wow, can you believe they can do this?" I am surprised at their unbelief and sad that they didn't realize that, yes, these children can do these things. They do them all the time. 

June helping Ada in therapy.

I feel burdened at times of having to be the advocate for the deaf or those with Down syndrome. I don't really want to be the educator but the Lord has placed me in this position and continues to give me in Grace and Patience to share what these children can do and be. Even in this burden, I can become excited about it and think about my future. Will I be someone who leads parents who have children with these disabilities? Will I be able to run an organization that advocates for them? Will I be able to come alongside a parent who is having a hard time dealing with their child's disability?

A few years ago I thought that when my children were a bit older I'd finish my Masters in Counseling. Now I am realizing why I wasn't able to finish that degree and wonder what He has in store for me. The Lord placed these three girls in my home to not only give me the opportunity with Greg to love and raise them, but to change me and put me in a place that will be able to help those around me. Isn't that amazing?!

Thanks, again, for letting me express honestly!

Ann
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Ann,

I love this statement:

When these moments come I remind myself that I just want each of my girls to be the best they can be. To reach their full potential....

I know it's coming from a bit of a different place when your kids have a disability, but it's such a great mantra for all of us parents. Just putting on the blinders to everyone else and wanting them to be the most loving, smartest, joyful version of themselves.

Thanks for making us think!

Jen



 

Today Is June's Day

Jen,

It's me again! Today I'd love to tell you more about June and how I really have this love hate relationship with (almost) three-year-olds. Seriously, LOVE and HATE!

June is my go-with-the-flow-with-a-million-smiles girl. She's very grateful and is constantly saying "thank you" for everything you do or give her. She's had about three tantrums in her entire life and those have all happened within the last couple of weeks. I contribute this to her becoming almost three. I don't understand why people say that two-year-olds are terrible because it's when my girls have turned three that they have realized that they want to be babies AND they want to be big girls all while trying to tell Mommy what to do. 

Dirty face girl saying "hi" to her Auntie.

Now, I am not saying that Juney (that's what we often call her) is never disobedient because she truly is my explorer. She's the one who I find standing on Ada's bum when I enter a room or the one who has peeled off all the wall decals because she wanted to know how that worked. This summer she won a flashlight for having books read to her from the library. Catina won that flashlight weeks and weeks before June, who doesn't have time to sit because she is busy exploring. Also, once June did earn the flashlight she decided she needed to know how it worked and disassembled it until there were no more pieces to come apart. 

This is how I found her flashlight. Don't knock the 80s style sheets! We got them for free. ; )

Every morning we have this little argument about wearing her hearing aids. She covers her ears and says "no hearing aids" and then "no brusha my hair." Yes, she is Italian and says "brusha." Typically once I get the hearing aids in she doesn't bother them, but whenever we obtain new ear molds she decides she doesn't really like them (Maybe because they fit better?) and pulls the aids out it seems EVERY HOUR! This time around she has pulled them out so often that the tubes came out of the molds and now I have to bring her in to get new ones. Thank you, now we need to drive 30 minutes for a screaming appointment to wait two weeks until they are delivered, all to start this all over again.

I go back and forth on whether or not we should be forcing her to wear the aids. I do know the facts that show that if a child wears their aids a majority of the time at a young age that their speech is much better later on in life. This can make me feel guilty at times when I let her wander without them. At the same time, I always wonder if she will grow up and tell me that the reason why she didn't like the aids is that they always made this weird sound in her ear or gave her headaches or were too loud. Ugh, how awful would that be?

My ballerina princess. She is loving ballet class!

Now all of this could be her stage, right? Like when we try going pee pee on the potty and she yells. Yes, she yells "NO CHOCOLATE, MAMA!" OK so chocolate is not an incentive for June to use the restroom. She has decided she wants to be a baby right now and wants me to feed her a sippy cup like a bottle. Once in awhile I will consent to cuddle her. I know this is all the inbetween I'm a baby but I'm a big girl stage. Is the hearing aid issue the same thing? Also, what's up with not going in the potty but wanting to put on her own shoes and socks?

June is graduating soon out of the Early On program and will continue her parent tot class along with going to a speech therapist once a week. Right now her speech therapist comes to our home and plays games with her. In these next weeks we are meeting her in a classroom setting where I am not in the room. They will be testing June for her receptive and verbal language. Although June is talking in full sentences her articulation is hard to understand at times. 

This girl is very hard to get out of bed. At times she pushes my face away or rolls over under the covers.
The opposite of Catina who you might call Tigger in the morning.

We are also concerned she doesn't always understand things. She is very literal which is so much the opposite of me and just like her Dad. If you tell her to ask for something nicely she doesn't realize that she should say "Milk please" and instead will say "Nicely" no matter how many times I try to explain that to ask nicely please to say "please."(Here is where I look into the camera like Jim on The Office.) If you ask her to show you her ballet dance she will point to how to get to ballet even though I try to tell her I want her to show me the steps to the dance. This will be our challenge. Mama is figurative and Juney is very literal. 

Prayers for the ever-dreaded, not-really-happening potty training, speech therapy testing, and for patience with my little explorer.

Ann

_________

Ann,

Never a dull moment! What an example at how siblings can be so different, which of course means we have to change our approach with every single child.

Prayers continue!

Jen

Blah, Blah, Blah, Even Though I Know You Want To Know

Jen,

A lot has happened these past two weeks so there is much to share about the girls.

Catina continues to LOVE kindergarten and is disappointed on Saturdays when she is not going. We miss her, though, and June asks for her often throughout the day.

Really the only kink in this whole kindergarten thing is that Catina doesn't like to go to the bathroom in public so she holds it the ENTIRE day. Many of us, including Catina's teacher, are trying to encourage her to give it a try. Her teacher has been so amazing in standing outside the door while she tries but she still hasn't gone. My fear is infection or an accident so hoping this is resolved soon.

A lot is going on with June that is exciting as well. It looks like she will be graduating to a new speech therapy regimine where she will attend a parent tot class with me once a week and then go to a speech therapist on our her own for a 25 minute session. I really think June will stretch and grow as we proceed this way. I'm also really hoping that all works out and her speech therapy can be right after the parent tot class so we can free up another morning. Right now we only have one morning a week free and this really limits our time seeing friends or running errands. For the next few weeks June will be tested for her receptive and verbal language as well as her articulation.

Catina's picture day outfit and June's first day of school get-up.

Today we switched ear molds on June's hearing aids. We used to go to the doctor's office to have those attached for us but our audiologist was nice enough to show me how to do it to save the extra trip. The girls always love playing with the old ear molds and pretending they are audiologists. I've kept all of them from the tiniest until now. It's amazing to see how much ears grow!

I'm waiting for June to want a different color but she doesn't really seem to care so I always pick pink glitter.

Ada had her eye appointment. They told me it would take up to 2 1/2 hours but we were out in 1! She doesn't need glasses right now and although she has an astigmatism, the doctor said that he wouldn't really put her in glasses until she was ready and willing to wear them. Her vision was good enough to not need them. Yay for not having to keep track of glasses!

Ada sleeping in the waiting room as she waits for her eyes to dilate.

I am so grateful for how healthy Ada is. Whenever we would pray for Ada in my womb I never prayed that she wouldn't have Down syndrome but always prayed she'd be healthy. I don't know why the Lord has granted my request but I thank Him and praise Him for doing it!

Ada is now sitting up for moments at a time on her own. She rolls every which way to get herself places and has begun to rock on all fours. Some nights we don't sleep as well because Ada likes to jibber jabber to herself. She's not upset, just talking! I think her and Catina will have a lot in common.

Children's hospital tunnel to the parking garage.

Last but not least I had to share that after seeing my hair look like Farah Fawcett I decided to get bangs and color my hair my red annual fall color. Some of the young guys Greg spends time with call me the hipster Mom now and I'll gladly accept the title minus the vegan food.

Of course when my hair dresser does my hair it looks much straighter but this is the reality of the day to day.

Well, blah, blah, blah with the update but I know you and others like to hear what is going on. In a couple of weeks we will be walking our first Buddy Walk. It's a walk for people with Down syndrome. If any local friends are interested in walking with us you can join our team here. Our team is called Ada's Amigos and we plan to dress up. You can also give money to our walk here. We really haven't told the world about the walk only because it's our first one and we don't want people to feel the pressure to come. On the other hand, I'd hate to have people find out after and wished they were invited.

I'll leave you with this fun giggling video of Ada.

Ann

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Ann,

Thanks for the updates! As often as we talk I didn't know most of this. Guess that proves we don't really get to share a whole lot in our 2-minute phone calls with kids screaming in the background!

Jen

Jen

I Heart Ada

Jen,

Today we went to the hospital to have Ada's follow up echocardiogram. This is a day I've been anticipating since the day we found out that she had PDA. I remember being so shocked because the fetal echocardiogram was perfect and was surprised that something could be wrong. What is PDA?

Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is a heart problem that affects some babies soon after birth. In PDA, abnormal blood flow occurs between two of the major arteries connected to the heart. These arteries are the aorta and the pulmonary artery.

Before birth, these arteries are connected by a blood vessel called the ductus arteriosus. This blood vessel is a vital part of fetal blood circulation. Within minutes or up to a few days after birth, the ductus arteriosus closes. This change is normal in newborns.

In some babies, however, the ductus arteriosus remains open (patent). The opening allows oxygen-rich blood from the aorta to mix with oxygen-poor blood from the pulmonary artery. This can strain the heart and increase blood pressure in the lung arteries. 

- National Heart Lung and Blood Institute

We got to the hospital early and it turned out to be a whole hour early due to a mix up with appointment times. We decided to hang out in the courtyard where every five minutes a hospital employee walked by to ooh and ahh over Ada. Ada smiled for some but most of them got the "who the heck are you?" look. Ada can be very shy and has even started to hide her face a bit if she isn't sure of you. 

I'm six months old! Photo taken by Ann.

The whole time we waited, and as we walked in for her appointment for the second time this morning, I felt nothing. I was prepared in my mind for the worst and had even postponed putting in ear tubes thinking there was a chance of a heart surgery coming up. At the same time I really felt like she was fine and this appointment would be routine. I know it sounds silly to feel both but I really did!

Right before she was stripped down. Photo taken by her Daddy, Greg.

We stripped Ada down to be weighed and she is now a whopping 12 pounds 7 ounces! After taking her blood pressure and oxygen (which was perfect) they brought us into another room to start the echocardiogram. The procedure is a lot like an ultrasound with the addition of an EKG. The technician can't tell you anything, so you wait out the test wondering what in the world you just saw on the screen that looked like valves in the heart. Kind of. The test was about 15 minutes long and after 5 minutes Ada decided to let everyone know that she really didn't like lying still while someone rubbed a knobby thing with wires connected to it near her face, so she started to open her mouth and try to suck on it while fussing.

Ada connected to EKG. Photo take by Daddy, Greg.

Dr. Humes, the cardiologist, walked in and I immediately felt good. He is a very kind man and has the most amazing bedside manner. He was the same doctor that conducted Ada's fetal echocardiogram. He reviewed the pictures and asked us to meet him in another room where he then listened to her heart. After he was done and I was dressing Ada, he told us everything looked great and her heart is good! Tears immediately started flowing and I felt so much relief. My little baby is ok!

A few weeks ago we went to the ENT and it looks like Ada will need ear tubes, which seem like no big deal next to HEART SURGERY! While Ada is under they will conduct an ABR which is the most accurate hearing test. This was done to June when she was 6 weeks old. I'd been concerned before Ada was born and wanted her to have an ABR. Since June passed the newborn screening test in one ear and later it was found to have a mild loss in that ear, the ABR was the only thing that detected her loss. Since both Greg and I have a gene that gives our children a 1 in 4 chance of being deaf I am glad we will have this test as Ada's baseline for future hearing tests.

We are meeting so many new people who have Down syndrome or have children that do and it has been so exciting. Everyone has been amazing and we look forward to the new friendships Ada is bringing to our life. Hopefully I will take the time soon to share some of those stories with you.

Next week we will see you in the U.P., eh? CAN'T WAIT!

Ann

_____________

Ann,

The relief I felt when I got this news is NOTHING compared to how you guys must have felt! I know you would have been fine if surgery was needed, but there's no doubt this is the best news! So many praises for Ada's health and her impact!

Are the exclamation points too much?! Too bad!

Jen

I'm Not Expecting

Jen,

This first week and a half engaging in healthier habits has been good. Good but different than I thought it would be. I thought I'd be having a hard time keeping up with a better food plan but instead I have had a hard time acknowledging some emotions and thoughts I didn't realize I had.

Ever since my 20-week ultrasound with Ada I have made comments that this would be the last child that came from this body. Most people took this to mean I had a very difficult pregnancy. The pregnancy itself was not anything different than most people experience, it was the doctor's appointments, the unknown of whether she had Down syndrome and the pressure I felt to give people answers. I wasn't even sure what I meant when I made this comment until this week.

At this point I may have reached my capacity on the children I raise well, but more than that I fear that if this body produced another child it would come into this world with another disability. I love my children like crazy and I believe I have accepted their bodies even if they are different than the typical child. Of course this is not without concern for their future and the way society may accept them. My prayer always is for a loving community to surround them, that they would be confident in themselves to be who they are, and strong enough to advocate for themselves.

Ada, 5 1/2 months

When struggling with infertility I often struggled with the feelings of inadequacy. Now in my brain that does not make any sense. I had little control over my body and couldn't control if it would or would not get pregnant, but deep in my heart there was a sense and wondering if somehow it was all my fault. I wanted to give my husband, Greg, children and now again I am struggling with feeling that I am stopping the process of giving him one more. I am feeling this same way about Down syndrome.

I wouldn't want Ada to not have Down syndrome because, well, Ada wouldn't be Ada anymore, and I truly am looking forward to the continued change in our family's hearts as we realize that we don't need to look or be a certain way. That we just need to embrace who we are and accept the love of our Creator. At the same time I don't like that she will struggle with sitting up, eating, walking, talking, etc. I don't want it to be hard for her! I can also feel this same heaviness for June having to wear hearing aids. To me, I forget they are even there and I think she looks bare without them but I am sure not all of society will see her like I do.

Catina and June selling lemonade

I am grieving the potential of another child because at times I wonder if maybe we'd welcome one more if we didn't have the extra time put into exercises, therapies and doctor's appointments. At the same time it's been nice to think about gaining my own body back postpartum, to eat and be who I should be physically to stay healthier for myself and for my family. 

It's also been nice to think these are my girls and let's just focus on them for now! For so long we were trying to conceive that it's become a natural part of who I am. Even with my first periods after Ada I had this pang of sadness that I wasn't pregnant, and then would remember I had a very young baby. My mind had been conditioned to grieve each month and now I can release that and be grateful for the THREE children I have! Three, Jen, can you believe it?

Sleepy Ada

This is just the beginning of what I am embracing and understanding. Greg is so loving and reassuring that we are in this together and he is grateful for our lives now. This is helpful. Please pray for me as I sift through these thoughts and emotions and pray that I continue to learn more about what it means to be loved by Jesus.

Ann

________________

Ann,

Thanks for your honesty and a peak inside your deepest thoughts.

I remember having conversations about whether or not we'll know when we're "done" having kids (dreaming that we'd actually have the choice!), and I know we never considered what you're experiencing.

Praise God for a wise and loving husband, and three precious girlies. I do pray that you would embrace Christ's love and reassurance while you journey.

Makes me think of this beautiful song:

Jen

Can You Hear Me Now?

Jen,

Great news! June is now wearing both of her hearing aids on a regular basis! This has been two years of ups and downs.

As soon as June was able to put her hands to her ears my mom made special hats that covered her ears tightly. This way she couldn’t get her little chubby fingers on those pretty pink aids with nice rubber ear molds that were oh-so-fun to put in the mouth. Despite the fact that she probably heard a lot of rustling from the hat next to the aid’s microphone, we were happy she was hearing as many sounds of speech as possible before the age of two.

Last August she was 20 months old. The hat hadn’t been working for some time and she was wearing her aids on her own and was not taking them out of her ears as much. When we went to stores I would check before we left the house to make sure they were in, then before we left the car to go in a store, then a few times while in the store and then would check again when we got back into the car. Needless, to say it was a bit stressful for me. I dreaded the day where we might lose an aid. Michigan has a great insurance program for children with a hearing loss where the insurance will pay for an aid if lost once during five years. Its a great program, but five years for a young child is a long time.

One day we went to Joann Fabrics and then to Meijer. Catina tends to my little hawkeye and tattles on June if she’s grabbing her aids, which can be nice. I did my usual check a million times in and out of the stores but didn’t check when we left Mejier until we got to the post office. I looked in her ear and there was no aid! I searched and searched the car and started to panic. I called Joann Fabrics just in case and immediately started driving back to Meijer. I loaded the girls back into the cart and retraced all our steps scanning the aisles for a tiny pink hearing aid. I never knew the Meijer aisles were so stinking huge until I started looking for this little aid. Why did we not choose neon green instead of pink?!

Long story short, after weeks of calling lost and found, her audiologist and the insurance company, then switching audiologists, borrowing a hearing aid until finally a new one came in, writing a required letter to the insurance company stating how I will prevent an aid from being lost again (because I lost this one on purpose?!), the little stinker would no longer even tolerate putting the aid in her ear. She started freaking out when it was in and would scream and cry. She continued wearing her right aid but not the left and then one day wouldn’t even wear the right. We tried rewards, bribing and even force, but the aid was not staying in.

One day we visited her cousins, and when she saw two of them wearing aids she asked for them. I didn’t bring hers that day and so she wore her cousin’s old aids without a battery and was doing great. I went home and put hers in and she cried. I then put in her aids without a battery and she was fine. Really? We decided to give her a couple week break and not push the issue because we weren’t sure if it was a hearing issue or her being stubborn. We even began to wonder if the Lord had healed June.
After being persistent, I was able to get her to wear the one aid again but she would not wear the new one. She would yell “LOUD!” because to her it really is louder. She wasn’t used to it. We started discussing a volume button with her audiologist thinking maybe if we gradually made the aid louder until it was at the proper loudness than maybe that would help. The audiologist said we couldn’t put a volume button in until we had the latest test. Another long story I will not bore you with which includes switching audiologists.

Last week after bath time June asked to put her aids in. I put the one in assuming we were just putting in one but she reached for the other and said “in.” O.k. I told her if she wanted it in we’d have to put a battery in it. She repeated “battawee.” I put the battery and the aid in her ear and she was fine. Completely, fine, Jen! WHAT?! Then the next morning she asked for them both again and has been wearing them for over a week now.

I have no idea why she decided to wear them but I believe part of it was the Lord telling me that He will help me through all of these “special needs.” With Him, our schedules of four therapies between Ada and June, doctors appointments, preschool, dance class and living life we’re going to be o.k.

Thanking Jesus for being with us and taking the load off when times feel a bit crazy!

Ann
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Ann,

This is such an answer to prayer, that she is wearing her aids–even asking for them!

Jen

Embrace

Jen,

Friday morning I was invited to my friend Kate’s house along with five other women who have recently had babies. I was one of the first to arrive and was fortunate enough to have my mom watch the two older girls so I could go alone with Ada. Believe me, it was a much needed break. (Wait, there is no need to convince you, I think you know what I mean!)

Kate had surprised us with a masseuse. Although I’m not a super touchy person, the whole thought behind it brought tears to my eyes. I am often baffled by Kate’s generosity and thoughtfulness. I’m not always good at being on the receiving end but I have learned to accept and I am grateful for a friend like her who shows me glimpses of Christ’s love for me.

Afterwards we were all served a yummy breakfast and everyone was hanging out feeding their babies. I sat down to feed Ada near a woman who was breastfeeding her one-week-old baby. He was so precious and I really think I fell in love with his older sister who was 14 months. Tears formed in my eyes again and I couldn’t stop them. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. Kate walked by and asked if I was o.k. and if I wanted to talk about it, But I couldn’t verbalize–mainly because I really wasn’t sure why I was crying. After blubbering for a few minutes I had to go get some kleenex so I wouldn’t totally disgust the others in the room with my snotty nose.

Kate followed me into the bathroom and asked how I was doing. I told her I’m not really sure all that I was feeling but seeing the other mom breastfeed really hit me. It was the first time where I was watching someone else nurse and I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I was just letting go of the fact that I couldn’t give to her the way I wanted to, or if it was the ideal in my mind of how I thought I should be as a mom. Probably a bit of both.

Earlier that week I had talked with my lactation consultant about whether or not she felt Ada would ever really nurse. She said she’d be able to nurse but probably not enough to thrive. It would be more of an exercise in being close rather than nourishment. This was relieving to me because I kept wondering where the line was of where to give up trying to nurse her. I am pumping three times a day right now which is giving Ada plenty of milk. I also received an e-mail from our high school friend, Alison, and she said I’d know when it was time and somehow that was another confirmation. And then again on Wednesday, I was talking to June’s speech therapist about the repercussions of not nursing Ada and if this will hinder her speech development. (I kept reading that nursing your baby helps them build their muscles for speech later.) She said that if a child was going to have a speech delay because of low tone then it would happen regardless if I nursed or not. Nursing can help but won’t solve the problem. All three situations gave me the freedom and release to just focus on Ada gaining weight and stop worrying about giving her a speech delay.

As I was driving home from Kate’s I realized that what had really made me sad is that this one-week-old little boy could nurse so easily and here Ada was struggling to continue suckling after four or five sucks. She gets so worn out trying to nurse that we had to feed her a bottle–and even then we had to change the nipple to an easy-flow so she wouldn’t burn all her calories eating (If only I had that problem!). By the way, Ada is now at her birth weight!

As a baby Ada’s older sister, June, seemed like all the other babies even with her hearing loss. Her hearing loss didn’t show until recently when we realized she is behind others her age. She has to work a lot harder to hear the words and to speak them. I remember being sad for her that this would not be easy but at the same time there is this hope and gratefulness that even though she has to work harder she will appreciate her hearing and speech more than others and through this struggle she will learn to overcome. I am praying the same for all three of my girls. That whatever struggles come, because they will, that they will embrace them and move forward with the strength of who I hope is their God, Jesus Christ.

Let us pray this for our children and the children that our in our lives. That we won’t protect them from every trial but that we will walk alongside them so they can learn from this thing called life. That they will embrace what comes their way so that they may become stronger in Christ. Let our children show us what this means and that we too will embrace what comes our way.

Ann

___________

Ann,

Amen, my friend!

Who knows the struggles we’ll be looking back on when we’re 65? We can only hope, like you’ve so beautifully said, that every hardship will have made Christ more and more real to all of us.

Even the similarities and differences in our situation blow my mind: I’m crying about weaning a 27-pound one-year-old, and you’re reconciling yourself to not nursing Ada. It’s all about big picture, right? Neither of these kids are “ours” anyway, they’re His. It’s almost like we have to take it all very seriously and then at the same time go, “Oh well! It is what it is. This is our life.” Of the 1 million things I’ve learned from you, I do feel like you have such a great perspective on things like this. I mean, you’re human so you struggle, but you are always pressing forward to health and balance.

On that note, I am praising God that He answered prayer and gave you peace about your next steps with Ada and nursing. This is what I’ve prayed all along! Not that you would nurse or not nurse (who the heck am I to weigh in on that decision?!), but that you would just know. And another confirmation seems to be her weight gain! Great news.

Jen

P.S. Too bad Ada’s not getting any attention at your house.