So in our lifetime of friendship have you picked up on the fact that I'm a bit hard on myself? Well this week I had a little revelation. Here it is:
Give yourself a break.
Stop thinking that
EVERY. SINGLE. MOVE.
has eternal consequence.
That seems contrary to what I'm told in faith-based resources, but since the author doesn't know me personally, it's my job to take every piece of advice with a grain of salt. Since I am SUPER literal and serious, I have GOT TO CHILL OUT if I want to remain a healthy person while I raise these little guys.
Case #1: I'm starting to recognize and accept that some things are for a season. I mentioned to you the other day that I'm in a season where the boys are hard to take grocery shopping. I feel like a lazy mom if I shop without them, and I feel like I'm witholding a good learning experience from them, so I try to just suffer and bring them. But all of a sudden it's occurring to me that I DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER. We can work on this skill later, or in small doses, or who knows when! Sorry to yell but this is a huge weight lifted.
Case #2: Remember when Hayden was a baby and the twins were...well...babies, too? I had trouble taking them anywhere that didn't offer a cart. I recall taking them to a doctor's appointment and calling you crying afterward because it was so hard. Once we were in the room it was fine, but getting a newborn and two 14 month old babies from the car to the waiting room put me over the edge. You asked me if there was anyone who could have helped me and I remember saying "They are my responsibility." I can't recall your exact response but I think it was something like, "You are stupid and stubborn and I want to choke you. ASK FOR HELP."
I'm sure to the casual observer the obvious lesson here seems to be just that (help), but first I had to work through the belief that they're always my responsibility. Of course they are technically, but it doesn't make me negligent to ask for help for ONE APPOINTMENT. (More yelling, sorry). It doesn't mean I'll need help forever, it just means that for that moment, in those circumstances, I needed more hands. Period. No big deal.
I know these seem like small revelations, but I'm starting to recognize the not-so-healthy tapes playing in my head and figure out how to turn the channel. This onceisn't 100% there for me, but I'm definitely making progress!
This is very good news to hear! I am so glad you are recognizing the need for help in situations. Asking someone to hold the door for you while you try to get three kids into the door of a building is not asking a lot. Yes, I'm referring to the time you took the kids to the doctor by yourself and I'm being sarcastic about how ridiculous you can be. So glad I don't have to yell at you because you seemed to be doing all the yelling (Heh, heh).
It is humbling to ask for help and humbling to receive it. I can say from experience that, although humbling, so many people are longing to be a part of something. I know that you allowing them to help you would bless them and bring a sense of purpose to them. Even the person just holding the door for you is going to feel a little good inside for helping the crazy women with the four kids under three and under. God has called us to love Him and love others but what if we don't allow others to love us? What if we won't receive the love that is being offered?
I definitely will continue to pray that you find out more why its hard to accept help. If I could give you anything it's that. I always wish I lived close so I could help you. I wouldn't wait around for you to ask. I'd force it on you.
Soon one of your blessings of a friend will be leaving for another state. I know she's been a great help to you and the boys love her. I'm praying for that void to be filled with others around you and that you'd learn what you need for help and how to allow others to do that.