Monday, October 10, 2011

Tests & Ultrasounds

Dear Jen,

Today I saw the doctor to follow up with the ultrasound. The baby’s nuchal fold measured 6mm which can be cause for concern for Down Syndrome. I’m really not sure what to think. My doctor was talking to me like my baby was dead or something and it really bothered me, plus the pressure I was getting from her to have an amniocentesis. I’ve always passed on those tests and this does not make it any different for me. I did let her draw blood to check my hormones. Apparently, there is a hormone you can check to screen for Down Syndrome. It’s not 100% accurate so even after getting back the test results we still won’t know so afterwards I started doubting why I even did it. The doctor threw out the word “stillbirth” a few times and I think that’s what convinced me. I called Greg right after the appointment and he immediately told me that whatever the Lord brings we will be able to handle it and we will love her no matter what. I was thinking the same thing but it was nice to hear him say it. I have an ultrasound at the hospital and an appointment with a specialist in two weeks. I’m realizing that although it’s nice to have some follow-up, we still won’t know any more now than we will then.

My biggest dread in this whole thing is telling people. I don’t do well with people’s reactions if they don’t line up with how I want them to respond. It’s all an inner struggle. The hard thing is, I don’t even know how I want them to respond!


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