Monday, October 24, 2011

Mom Guilt (response)


I remember reading a few articles about how to handle things when a new child comes along. One of the pieces of advice I took to heart was to tend to the older child first and then help the younger because for the first year the younger one will not realize they are being “slighted.” So when June was crying because she needed to be fed I would quickly help Catina with something she was asking me for. Catina was receiving the attention she needed and didn’t feel like it was all about the baby. June was able to wait a few more minutes which I believe has taught her to wait patiently even now. Of course, there are exceptions to this every day but I tried to be conscious that baby didn’t always have to come first.

I believe a lot of what you are feeling is false guilt. I can say this only because I know you and how you feel badly for anyone who seems to be alone. It would be one thing if you left one of your kids in a room by themselves all the time but I know that is not the case. Your kids are almost always together and they may get a bit bored or need to be redirected but they are completely fine. A few moments to tend to themselves does teach them a lot.

You are going to hear me talk about counseling a lot but one thing I learned was that you need to tend to yourself as well. When June was born I made it a point that Mommy exercised before we started our day. They learned the habit and did not feel slighted because this is how life was. I was healthier and in turn they were watching Mommy take care of herself. Recently, you posted a Facebook status about how you felt guilty being on the computer when your kids woke up from their nap. There is no reason to feel guilty! You are constantly working and taking a few moments to check your e-mail is not a sin. I will pray that you will stop listening to the lies that are in your head about such things.


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