Monday, August 27, 2012

God Complex


This is my last week of my twelve-week journey. I'm excited about all I've learned but there is this odd and fearful feeling that I'm not quite finished learning some big things. I pray I can keep my ear listening to what actions I need to take to refine my life even further, and I hope I won't miss out or take too long learning the lessons that can draw me closer to Jesus.

This fall is going to be very full with almost every morning filled with therapies. I've trimmed my schedule but still feel the tight squeeze and hope to trim a bit more. I love people and as an extrovert my cup is filled and overflowing after spending time with them. I've realized that my love language is time spent, so between this way of loving and the way I receive my energy, it's going to be a sacrifice to not be with all the people I want to spend time with. At the same time I know I can learn a lot by just focusing on our home life during this season.

When I have to say "no" to spending time with people I feel this twinge of guilt; I'm worried that those I say "no" to won't believe that I love them. I also know that there are many times I can neglect my own needs and at times my family's by "making sure" others feel loved. It's the "God complex" disease that rears it's ugly head every so often in my life. Absurd! It's embarrassing to admit and weird to even think that I could somehow control and make sure that people feel loved...which I can't, but I can easily burn myself out trying. I believe it's a fine line of people-pleasing and truly loving. 

Sometimes I believe the lie that I'm being selfish if I don't continue to give and give and forget that even when I focus in on my own home I am still giving. I need to remember that I've been given three little people who need a lot right now and who will live their lives by watching my example. No pressure there.

I'd love to get a better handle on this and ask that you and our friends share any thoughts they have. 



I know this is The Struggle for you. What's so crazy is how this quality is also such a unique blessing! I've walked beside you for so many years and I've seen the pros and cons to this incredible gift. It's that whole battle of knowing how to apply it in a new season.

I can't relate to the desire to be with people so often, but I can relate to sometimes overlooking the people under our feet right now. Like we've talked about so many times, there's a fine line between being too inward focused (on the family) and just doing our job as wives and moms. I think it requires constant evaluating. I know you want to teach your girls about loving others and serving, and there's no doubt they're picking up on these priorities.

Feeling thankful for your honesty.


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