I Heart Ada

Jen,

Today we went to the hospital to have Ada's follow up echocardiogram. This is a day I've been anticipating since the day we found out that she had PDA. I remember being so shocked because the fetal echocardiogram was perfect and was surprised that something could be wrong. What is PDA?

Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) is a heart problem that affects some babies soon after birth. In PDA, abnormal blood flow occurs between two of the major arteries connected to the heart. These arteries are the aorta and the pulmonary artery.

Before birth, these arteries are connected by a blood vessel called the ductus arteriosus. This blood vessel is a vital part of fetal blood circulation. Within minutes or up to a few days after birth, the ductus arteriosus closes. This change is normal in newborns.

In some babies, however, the ductus arteriosus remains open (patent). The opening allows oxygen-rich blood from the aorta to mix with oxygen-poor blood from the pulmonary artery. This can strain the heart and increase blood pressure in the lung arteries. 

- National Heart Lung and Blood Institute

We got to the hospital early and it turned out to be a whole hour early due to a mix up with appointment times. We decided to hang out in the courtyard where every five minutes a hospital employee walked by to ooh and ahh over Ada. Ada smiled for some but most of them got the "who the heck are you?" look. Ada can be very shy and has even started to hide her face a bit if she isn't sure of you. 

I'm six months old! Photo taken by Ann.

The whole time we waited, and as we walked in for her appointment for the second time this morning, I felt nothing. I was prepared in my mind for the worst and had even postponed putting in ear tubes thinking there was a chance of a heart surgery coming up. At the same time I really felt like she was fine and this appointment would be routine. I know it sounds silly to feel both but I really did!

Right before she was stripped down. Photo taken by her Daddy, Greg.

We stripped Ada down to be weighed and she is now a whopping 12 pounds 7 ounces! After taking her blood pressure and oxygen (which was perfect) they brought us into another room to start the echocardiogram. The procedure is a lot like an ultrasound with the addition of an EKG. The technician can't tell you anything, so you wait out the test wondering what in the world you just saw on the screen that looked like valves in the heart. Kind of. The test was about 15 minutes long and after 5 minutes Ada decided to let everyone know that she really didn't like lying still while someone rubbed a knobby thing with wires connected to it near her face, so she started to open her mouth and try to suck on it while fussing.

Ada connected to EKG. Photo take by Daddy, Greg.

Dr. Humes, the cardiologist, walked in and I immediately felt good. He is a very kind man and has the most amazing bedside manner. He was the same doctor that conducted Ada's fetal echocardiogram. He reviewed the pictures and asked us to meet him in another room where he then listened to her heart. After he was done and I was dressing Ada, he told us everything looked great and her heart is good! Tears immediately started flowing and I felt so much relief. My little baby is ok!

A few weeks ago we went to the ENT and it looks like Ada will need ear tubes, which seem like no big deal next to HEART SURGERY! While Ada is under they will conduct an ABR which is the most accurate hearing test. This was done to June when she was 6 weeks old. I'd been concerned before Ada was born and wanted her to have an ABR. Since June passed the newborn screening test in one ear and later it was found to have a mild loss in that ear, the ABR was the only thing that detected her loss. Since both Greg and I have a gene that gives our children a 1 in 4 chance of being deaf I am glad we will have this test as Ada's baseline for future hearing tests.

We are meeting so many new people who have Down syndrome or have children that do and it has been so exciting. Everyone has been amazing and we look forward to the new friendships Ada is bringing to our life. Hopefully I will take the time soon to share some of those stories with you.

Next week we will see you in the U.P., eh? CAN'T WAIT!

Ann

_____________

Ann,

The relief I felt when I got this news is NOTHING compared to how you guys must have felt! I know you would have been fine if surgery was needed, but there's no doubt this is the best news! So many praises for Ada's health and her impact!

Are the exclamation points too much?! Too bad!

Jen

Vintage Sign

We found this in our house when we first moved in. We love our city and

 love that we found this old sign. - Ann

Pajamas

Ann,

I can't believe I have to confess this, but I must:

I overdress my babies.

Until they're old enough to keep on blankets, I consider their bed clothes both pajamas and a blanket. Makes sense, right?

Remember how I'd been complaining about Hayden waking up every single night? The other night I tried something crazy, something I secretly judge other mothers for: I sent him to bed in a cotton pajama with SHORT SLEEVES, and NO SOCKS on his chubby little feet. This is quite a change from his fleece footie PJs I'd been using. And he slept through the night. Fluke?

Next night, similar getup. Success.

Next night, similar getup. Another success.

Same temperature in our house every single night, by the way. (You know I get up several times a night to make sure each room is a consistent temp, turning on/off fans and heaters and covering up children.)

I might be a freak.

Jen

P.S. And for any other moms who are searching for some random sleep solutions: Remember my saying that he was also wet every time he woke up at 2am, despite the size 6 nighttime diaper? I found a solution that has served me for a week! I give him a bath every single night before bedtime. The minute his booty hits that water he pees like a fountain. Empty bladder for bedtime? Check.

___________________

Jen,

I am laughing because, although I have thoughts like yours, I only make the effort to actually check on them once in awhile. I figure they will let me know if they are uncomfortable. Oddly enough your point is a great one and made me realize that Ada sleeps better when she isn't over-bundled. Sometimes I am pretty sure she must be cold but it's the nights she is cooler she sleeps! Go figure.

Since we are discussing night time I just went in and snapped a photo of her. I never understood the footie pajamas with short sleeves but now I do! Someone was using their noggin.

As for the bath before bed time...I wonder if that only works for boys. And for the record you are a freak!

Ann

Walking on Water

Ann,

The other night I was reading to the kids a children's version of Matthew 14:22. It's the story where Jesus' disciples see Him walking on water and Peter asks Jesus to bring him along, too. Of course you know the story, but the paraphrased version from their book really hit me. It said, "Peter, when the storm came you stopped trusting me."

Ouch.

Right now my storm is figuring out how to parent what I now consider to be preschoolers. This is a whole new challenge, and more than ever I feel my actions making a huge impact. I have such an intense desire to have obedient, respectful children, and sometimes I end up impatient and too stern in my quest to obtain this. We've talked about this a million times. I am a mix of super-duper loving and sweet and very affectionate, and then I can be  very stern and serious about my expectations. I don't apologize for this, but I will challenge myself once again to consider the means to my end. I can "get" obedience, youbetcha. But in the long run don't I want them to make the choice to be obedient and not be commanded to do so?

My point is this: What if I let up on the seriousness and sternness? What if I (GASP) act more patiently and kindly, sort of like HE COMMANDS US TO DO? Do I trust Him enough to honor that sort of parenting style and still give us respectful, obedient children?

Even as I write this I feel torn because I am certain He was speaking to me, and yet I also know my personality and I know how difficult it is to manage three young children. This is not the environment for a soft-spoken mom. I need kids to cooperate and act quickly and I do believe that's realistic, the trick is to figure out how to "get" that while still exhibiting the Fruits of the Spirit to my kids.

What are your thoughts?

Jen

----------------------------

Jen,

I read your last question and laughed! Really? You think I have it figured out? 

I remember when Catina was June, Everett and Levi's age and I wondered why God chose me to be a parent because I didn't really feel like I was doing a very good job. Do you remember this video? If I had the original version I would've posted it but you get my point. I was laughing while taping Catina's temper tantrum but there were many times I was so impatient with her. She could be very defiant and I thought it was all my fault!

Greg and I chose to follow the Love and Logic approach which really seems to be a good balance for us in being stern and loving. We have read their books and have attended a seminar and it all sounds good. It hasn't always been easy to put into practice but they share some really great ideas and concepts! 

Everyone is going to choose something different for their family and ultimately you have to go with your gut. I believe you will when you and Levi have found the right combination and really I think you already have. We won't always trust and be walking on water in every situation, but there are some days I believe we will venture out and do a leap or two across the sea to meet the One who is our ultimate guide. Jen, let's also remember to forgive ourselves for the days we sink, because we will.

I know you aren't asking for this, but you are a great mom and you even thinking about this question makes you even greater. 

Ann

Slow Dryer

We are doing a bit of a remodel in our kitchen. It has been a long process with three kids and when staining wood we can't dry our clothes in the dryer or they stink. We happen to use cloth diapers so here is my way of drying diapers. Very sloooooooowly. Absorbent diapers take all day! The girls had fun though! - Ann

Let's Share What the Lord Has Taught Us

Jen,

Its weird but the past week I've been thinking about Elisabeth. I think mainly because whenever I think of our journey towards children I remember her and how her short life really taught us a lot. 

There is this pang I feel whenever I am alone in the Meijer parking lot because this is where I was when I called to see how you were doing and found out that she had passed. I had just gotten off the phone with Jen B. trying to figure out if I should call you. I was really worried because the night before you had been rushed by ambulance to the hospital. I called you and started babbling on about some nonsense. When I took a breath you told me you'd delivered Elisabeth but that she was already gone. You had named her after me. Elisabeth Ann. So special.

After we had talked a bit I called your friend Erin--now a person I will forever feel linked to. We cried together and it was so good to know that someone nearby loved you. I really wanted to hop into the car and get there as fast as I could. I really wanted to hold Elisabeth before she had to be removed from your room.  But I knew it was not my place. Your parents and in-laws were coming and I knew it would be way too much to have us all there.

When I got home I googled how to love someone who was going through infant loss, and two things I read stood out to me. One was to use her name--don't act as if she didn't exist or that she was a secret. Secondly, to call the person if you wanted to. I called you a lot and you almost always answered and it was always a relief to hear your voice even if you were having a super sad moment.

I was wondering if you could share with our friends some things in the coming weeks. Could you tell your story? Could you share what you appreciated about those who supported you? Can you share what God has taught you about Him because of this experience?

Ann

____________

Ann,

I agree, her 6 minutes on earth (and the years waiting for her) culminated in some seriously intense spiritual moments and also some incredible lessons. I'll start right now by listing a couple of the things I appreciated during those times after her diagnosis and subsequent birth and death.

• People acting normal towards me, and yet somehow acknowleding the circumstances. I was very nervous the first time I'd see people after she was born. If they never acknowledged the situation I would be uncomfortable and unsure if they were even aware. Awkward.
• Meals. I hate to cook so it seemed extra special to have someone go to that length.
• Cards and flowers, no matter how soon or far after the date. It was nice to get those straggler cards and it made me feel like we were on people's minds even after the fact.
• One friend told me she was uncomfortable and didn't know what to say to me, but wanted to be supportive and yet knew she'd say the wrong thing. I loved her honesty.

We were (and still are) part of a great church family who showed us so much support and love, and I know that was a big piece of the puzzle for me. And I've said it a million times but there is no way I could have felt such support if it weren't for our friendship. As close and I am with Levi, and as much as we digress and process together, there is nothing like a best friend, another woman, holding you up with understanding and prayer.

Love,

Jen

Where's My Starbucks?

Ann,

Before I had kids, I remembering referring to the option of being an at-home mom as a luxury. I hate to admit that I even used that term when explaining to a frugal and sacrificing at-home friend why we planned on my return to work after babies.

I suppose I thought of it in terms of a formula: If dad's salary minus mom's salary equals the two-income lifestyle we currently live, then we're approved.

I honestly didn't consider the fact that when people chose to stay home it actually might mean a massive change in lifestyle. And I'm not talking about skipping the Caribou coffee on the way to work, I'm talking no new clothes, no dates, no convenience foods, no non-family vacations. I know our parents lived like this when we were kids, but I though at-home moms today were supposed to dress cute and go to the gym every day with a Starbucks in hand.

I do not care if a family chooses to be double-income or not. I believe it's a SUPER personal decision, one that each family has to weigh for themselves. I went back to work after the twins were born, but when they were 7 months old our company went through a merger and the staff were all permanently laid off. Since I'd just found out I was pregnant with Hayden we decided it was best to test the at-home waters. We laughed at the budget and the bare-bones life we'd have to lead, but for that season we thought it was the best choice.

The old me would have said that I couldn't stay home, that it was ridiculous to live so frugally and kind of sadly. I assumed it would be bad for my mental health to feel beholden to the budget and live in outdated cargo pants. I assumed it would be ridiculous to ask me to forgo my salon color! (For the record, Revlon Colorsilk Medium Blonde, $6.99. Livin' frugal, baby.) Somehow for me, this has all been fine. And to the mom who gets the gorgeous, layered color by a stylist? Good for her, truly. (I should have enjoyed it more when I did it!) And let me be clear: we still have cable, I just bought some new shirts, and my hair looks just fine.

I guess sometimes I feel defensive when I sense someone thinks like I used to, that being home is a luxury, one they couldn't possibly consider. Again no judging, but I wish I could tell then what I know now, that living within some tight means has opened our hearts and increased our faith beyond measure. It's not sad, and it's not impossible (I know there are exceptions), it's just a choice. If you say you want to go back to work because you're sick of coupons and cheap dates and fixer-upper cars, then I say go for it. It's a choice. On the other hand, if you truly want to stay home, I bet it can also be a realistic choice. Just don't sell yourself short, it's amazing what you can live without.

Jen

___________________

Jen,

I really struggled with this when first having Catina. I desired to stay home but couldn't understand how we could make it on one income. Somehow I felt I would be considered lazy if I stayed home with one child. What is really strange is that I knew friends that did stay home and didn't consider them lazy! Double standard I guess.

After June was born it didn't make sense for me to work. I told myself that I was staying home for at least this time while my kids are young. It took me a year and a half before I felt comfortable being a stay-at-home mom. Even now there are days where I start wondering what I will do when they are in school all day. Not because there would be nothing to do; I know it would be easy to fill my time with volunteering in the classrooms, maintaining the kids' schedules, and our home. I am already thinking about what I can do so I won't feel this nagging at the back of my mind that I'm still a stay-at-home mom and wondering if I should be doing more.

Sometimes I feel guilty I am not contributing financially, but like you said we need to live in faith that He is providing! That doesn't mean we should be foolish, but we also need to know that nothing is guaranteed. The Lord is our provider and even if I were to get a job today there is no guarantee that I wouldn't be laid off the next week.

You know what is even crazier? I really love being at home! I have no desire to work anywhere at this point. It's weird and odd to admit this because I never in a million years thought that would be me. I'm not sure how much of the "guilt" was from the expectations I thought people had of me, the expectations I had of myself, or my worry over not having enough money for all that we needed. I write this after having some time to myself today...as you know I totally have those moments where I want to just walk out and live on my own in a loft apartment somewhere fancy and eat nice food in peace.

I struggle at times with wanting more. I'd love to think that if we had more money I'd totally be fit because we'd belong to a gym, and we'd take these awesome vacations to Europe. I do love that our family can have a life full of joy without that stuff. We can improvise, be creative and live our lives not holding these things as necessities but thanking God for the luxury of having a home and a variety of foods to eat. I want to always be able to hold our hands palms-up and not just spend the money we do have but choose to give it away.

You and I could talk forever about this topic! We both know there are exceptions to all of this. I know my sister would love to spend more time at home but in this season she is working so her husband can finish nursing school. This is a wise decision. Her husband can begin a career he enjoys because of this education and then she can choose whether or not she should return to working part time or not at all depending on her desires and her family needs.

What I know we both hope is that we can choose to stay at home or not, and feel free in that choice and not worry about judgements. And for those that want to stay at home, we hope they would truly know whether or not it's something they should do, and they would feel the peace to take a leap of faith and try it. I also know there are moms who are staying at home because they feel it is expected of them and they really wish they could work. Hoping for freedom for all in their choices.

Ann