Normal?

Jen,

Earlier this month our family was sitting down for dinner and I was telling Greg about Ada’s therapy session from that afternoon. Catina was listening and said, “I’m the only normal one, right?” I stopped myself from laughing out loud because really, who is normal? I asked her why she thought she was the only normal one and she told us because no one comes to help her at the house like they do for Ada and June. We talked with her about how some day she may need help with things as well, but for now we are grateful for her health and abilities that God has given her.

 

One afternoon during quiet time I was watching this great episode of Glee where one of the main characters who is a cheerleader and happens to have Down syndrome was the highlight of the show. Catina has overheard us talk about Down syndrome and she has asked a few questions about it, so when she walked up to the screen I pointed out the teen who had DS. I was holding Ada at the time and after she looked at the girl on the screen she looked at Ada, started rubbing Ada’s head, and in her grown up voice said “Well, aren’t you just our cutie?!”

Ada with her second cousin Rebekah (photo take by Judy Hewett)

Recently a children’s book was recommended to us by Greg’s Aunt Judy, who also has a daughter with Down syndrome. Its called “We could paint the Octopus Red!” It’s a great book about how this little girl is waiting for her little brother to be born and she wants to know what kinds of things she can do with her little brother and she comes up with a fun list of things to do with him when he is a bit older. The day the brother is born the family finds out he has Down syndrome. Of course the little girl wants to know what that means and if he'll still be able to do all the fun things on the list. Soon she finds out he'll be able to do everything she dreams about, so she continues to be excited that he is coming home. TEARS!

We continue to learn more about what Down syndrome means, but for now we realize we have this cute little baby who likes to smile. The first few weeks Ada was home I thought about it almost every minute but now I only think about it a couple of times a day in a matter of fact way. I’d say in the same way I do about June’s hearing loss or Catina going to kindergarten next fall. SERIOUSLY, can you believe Catina will be in kindergarten?!

Ann

_______

Ann,

I really love your honesty.

Most of us have no idea what it's like to have a child with a special need. I remember asking if you ever woke up and thought it was all a dream--not so much that it's all so horrible, it's just more to juggle and think about than most of us will ever have to consider. But we get a glimpse of it through your eyes, and for that I'm grateful.

(And regarding kindergarten, I'm just glad you're going through it first!)

Jen

New Resource Page

We are very excited to add a resource page to our blog!

If you're intimidated by the number of results after a google search, you might find our tried and true list of resources helpful. We'll be adding to them periodically, and if you have one you'd like to recommend please contact us at talkingflies at gmail dot com.

In Vitro Fertilization

Ann,

Lately I've really been into two reality shows: Giuliana & Bill and The Little Couple. I think I'm drawn to them because their stories seem similar to mine. We have all walked the road of in vitro fertilization.

I got hooked on both shows because their marriages are really great and actually inspire me to nurture my relationship with Levi. But after a few seasons, both have found themselves on the road to building a family and finding it to be quite difficult. Giuliana has been diagnosed with unexplained infertility (like me), and Jennifer from The Little Couple had reproductive assistance because she can't safely carry her own child. Both turned to IVF.

Although the shows convey only a small portion of what you endure with IVF, I am so thankful for the procedure to be getting attention, and hopefully more understanding and acceptance. I think back to my three IVF cycles and how we kept it very private. If I would have had a way to properly explain what I was enduring I might have been willing to share with more people. But the thought of educating others on my condition and what I was undergoing was too daunting. If only I could have said, "Listen, just watch Giuliana & Bill. That's what we're going through."

But we didn't. We kept it mostly to ourselves, which I don't necessarily regret, but looking back it feels so strange. I remember, after weeks of pokes and appointments, going through my first egg retrieval, where I was under general anesthesia and then on bedrest for 2 days. I spoke on the phone as if everything was fine, and even went back to work on day two in my home office, typing away in the recommended reclined position--in a lawn chair! I remember having to hitch a ride from an unknowing friend to my embryo transfer because it ended up falling on a Sunday morning and Levi had to preach!

I know the procedure is still met with some controversy. But I am overjoyed by the men and women who are smart enough to become specialists and figure this out and give women like me the chance to conceive.

Jen

_________

Jen,

I wish I could've driven you to that appointment on a Sunday! This is what I pray for those who are choosing to pursue IVF. That they would have the support from family and friends to be there for them. 

One of the hardest parts of pursuing any medical help is understanding the procedures and clinical jargon. What makes it even harder is to have to explain it to someone else. And let's not forget all the opinions you may have to deal with, and many of the negative opinions are due to lack of education. Greg and I went through the IUI (insemination) procedure and so many times this was mixed up with IVF. Most of the time I didn't even care to explain the difference. It was just too tiring. The journey itself is exhausting enough let alone having to explain what you are going through in the midst.

We've said this before but doctors don't create babies. God does. He also gives doctors the information to help us. I thank the Lord for procedures that can aid us in conceiving.

Ann

Say What?

Jen,

I've been dying to write a list of things to say/not to say when supporting those who are waiting for children. I'm hoping if we miss suggestions that those reading will comment and we can add them.

What to say:

• How can I support you during this time of waiting?
• When I know someone is pregnant or I am pregnant myself how would it be best to tell you?

What not to say to anyone:

• So, when are you gonna pull the old goalie?
• Don't you know that not having children is the most selfish thing you can do?
• Why don't you just adopt?
• My friend's cousin's sister adopted and then she got pregnant.
• Oh relax! You should go on a vacation. That would do the trick.
• Guess what? I'M PREGNANT! 
• I just look at my husband and I'm pregnant.
• Do you know how kids are made?

You don't have to struggle with fertility to support someone. My sister-in-law, April, has four children and was such a great support and very understanding. April asked me how she could best support me and I was able to be honest with her. For me, I wanted people to give me the punch line when they were pregnant and not to make it full of drama. April was so gracious and before I attended a party with her, she let me know she was going to announce her pregnancy. She knew I'd rather have a heads-up to deal with my emotions before I showed up. I was so grateful, and I was able to sort through my emotions before I got there and truly be happy for her and my brother-in-law. 

What things do you think we could add to this list?

Ann
___________

Ann,

In general I just think it's so important to ask someone how you can support them. Even if we don't know what we need, it's just nice knowing you care enough to ask!

On that same note, I do think it's important for women to figure out how to communicate any need they are aware of. For instance, I remember being asked a few times by a friend to babysit her children. It was during my latter waiting years, and I had to tell her that I just wan't in a place to build relationships with kids who weren't my own. I know how selfish that sounds, and I LOVE children and used to cherish the time with friends' kids, volunteering to spend time with them. But I knew the season had come when it would be too uncomfortable, and I had to risk looking bad in order to protect myself. This is a very thin line to walk, but I know it was the right thing to do.

Jen

Again?

Jen,

After trying to conceive for the first time for more than two years, everyone made comments about how the next time I should have no problem getting pregnant. They teased me that I'd have a bunch of children close together. Little did they know that it would again take us two years.

Although I did not have secondary infertility (since Catina was conceived with help, this second wait is just another case of good old infertility), I experienced a lot of the same emotions that second time around. I really wanted to live this second journey to a child well. I did the best I could with the desires I had the first time, but I knew there was room for improvement. 

That second time around my hope was in Christ and not in a child, and this lesson was mainly learned through your baby, Elisabeth. Life is short, and if we can bring glory to Him with what we do have, than this is where I would and will find true fulfillment. While waiting for June, our second, I struggled with believing people thought I was ungrateful for the child I already had, which of course was not true. If anything, having Catina gave me a desire to love more children and to have siblings for Catina to experience life with!

On my birthday in 2009 I went in to see my specialist to begin another cycle of medical help. We had waited long enough and knew we need "help" again. But since I had a toddler and was working, I was dreading having to fit a million doctor appointments into my schedule.

I walked into the office for an ultrasound and was informed by the front desk nurse that my doctor had suffered a heart attack that morning! Fortunately he was still alive, but I was informed that it was already decided that he would no longer run his practice. I had no doctor. I walked out of the office laughing. I laughed like Sarah. If I didn't laugh I knew I would definitely cry. The stress of figuring all this out was becoming unbearable...and now this!

A few months earlier I had hurt my back and saw a chiropractor for the first time. I continued to receive adjustments for an injury that had happened more than ten years before, and I felt better than ever. With the Lord's help, medical help, and chiropractic care, I was able to see the positive on a pregnancy test for the first time!

Since Catina was conceived with some help, my positive pregnancy for her was confirmed at the clinic after a blood draw. So I never had never seen a positive test before and I couldn't believe my eyes. I used to think that it wasn't possible for me to actually see a positive and often joked that I believed pregnancy tests didn't really work.

(As a side note have to share this video about pregnancy tests that don't work!)

A year after my laughing spell on the front stoop of the fertility clinic, my new baby June laughed for the first time. And, who other than my first baby, Catina, to make her laugh!

I pray those we are interceding for will be able to laugh during this time of waiting and that they'll soon hear the laughter of their little one.

Ann

___________

Ann,

Oh, how I remember the days of the broken pregnancy tests. I don't even want to know how much money I spent on those things over the years. It seems funny now, but of course when you're waiting on a baby it's absolute torture. And I would hang on to that random story of a friend's neighbor's niece who was pregnant EVEN THOUGH the test was negative.

I can imgaine secondary fertility really messing with a woman's mind. She conceives without issue the first time around, and then all of a sudden it isn't happening. Our bodies are such mysteries.

And I'm glad you mentioned how easy some of the "help" can be, like adjustments. Or like a friend of mine who had to go on blood thinners to help the blood flow to her uterus (she'd had multiple miscarriages). Or sometimes it takes much more than that, but you just never know until you try.

Jen

Defining Infertility

Ann,

I've talked to a lot of women who have struggled to conceive, and yet they don't see themselves as infertile. 

Of course it doesn't matter what kind of label we put on it, my concern is that women and men arm themselves with knowledge regarding the help that's available to them. Unless they acknowledge their difficulties conceiving, they may never discover all the options available to them.  

Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite have frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year--or for at least six months if the woman is age 35 or older. (Found on Mayo Clinic's website.)

When I began this road at 30, I remember my gynecologist spouting off this definition, trying to give me a kick in my "I'll be fine, just give me time" pants. When she said "frequent" I was all, well THAT'S our problem. It's only a couple times a week (on a good week). Evidently she considered that to be frequent, and particularly if you think you're hitting your cycle at the right spot. Sorry to get so personal, but I just know there are naysayers out there just like me.

This is one of my biggest hopes for this blog, that some woman out there who's struggling to conceive would even consider talking to a professional and hearing about her options.

Lord, give these women a strong faith to seek You and receive guidance for their lives in this area. Amen.

Jen

________________

Jen,

This week is "National Infertility Awareness Week." Let's share resources, stories and other ways to help those we love during this time of waiting!

Some who are waiting may need to see a specialist whereas others may need to change their diet and see a chiropractor. With prayer and the potential help of one of these professionals, people can step closer to becoming pregnant.

And, in this, we must also remember our sisters where nothing has worked. Let us pray that the Lord directs them to love the children around them or to take a step towards adoption. No one way is the right way for each person and this is another hard leg of the journey. I pray people see us as a support rather than thinking we believe we have all the answers.

I'd like to remind people to visit our prayer page if they'd like us to keep them in our prayers. Our desire is to be a friend to these women.

Ann

Sippy Saga

Ann,

I have this thing with sippy cups. Even though we are constantly misplacing them, I refuse to buy more. I only want as many as we can use right now (which is 6: 3 milk cups, 3 water cups).

Recently a kind friend noticed my shortage and came to my house with TWO NEW SIPPY CUPS. Can you believe the nerve? I can't even describe the panic that set in. What will I do with 2 extra cups? To what beverage will I assign them? Will they fit in the kitchen? Will I ever gain control again? My life is unraveling!

I'm actually not kidding.

"Stuff" makes me panic. The clutter of kids--beautiful, desired, beloved kids--can be difficult to manage. Most people see extra sippies as a help, but I see it as one more piece of clutter that I'll have to make room for, and it will be a reminder of the one that sits at the bottom of the hamper, forgotten about until laundry day.

What cracks me up, though, is how different we are. You are a total minimalist when it comes to stuff in your house, and yet I can bet you have a million sippies in your cupboard, knowing it's better to have a spare rather than stop life to search for the lost one.

What's the balance for you?

Jen

___________

Ann,

First off, I love how you think I'm so together and organized. Sometimes I am glad we live far a part so you can continue to believe this is true!

Sippy cups have been my demise. They fall all over the place, never seem like they are completely clean and I still haven't found one I love. I do like some styles, but June's speech therapist has suggested we use straw cups, and although this sounds great, it this makes it even harder to clean and most of all I hate leaking! The saying "Don't cry over spilled milk" does not work in my house. Oh, and why do the bottoms all have to be different sizes so they don't all fit nicely in the variety of cup holders we have?

Photo taken by Ann

I cannot wait to get rid of sippy cups. Maybe more so than the bottles that continue to fall off the rack and onto a dirty floor. AAAAAAAAHHHH!

Ann

___________

Ann,

Yes, straw cups are gross. After this smoothy these went into the garbage. Strawberry seeds do not easily come out of soft, plastic straws:

But these are actually the kind I SWEAR by. This is all we use now, and I've always found them at Target (Playtex Lil' Gripper Spout Cup).

Had to share!

Jen

Monogrammed Hot Pads

 

I made these as Christmas gifts this past year. I found these cork hot pads at Ikea and then painted the monogram. (by Ann)

P.S. Do you call them pot holders or hot pads? Or trivets? We disagreed. (But Jen won since she published the post.)

Pour Out My Soul

Jen,

When I was in elementary school my family, at the encouragement of my mom, decided to sponsor a child from Compassion International. Christine was the most faithful to writing our little girl in India named Annie. Annie's parents were missionaries and to this day are faithful to their ministry in loving God and loving others. Fortunately for us, Annie liked to write us back. I remember how exciting it was to receive a letter from Annie and how I always regretted I didn't write more. Thank God for Christine!

It was really sad when Annie was too old for us to sponsor anymore because we lost touch with her. Until...good ole Facebook! Annie found us, which was a miracle really. How cool is it that we're friends with her on Facebook and are able to see her little baby girl's smiling face over thousands and thousands of miles? Once Annie and I were reconnected I began to read her blog. She is very inspiring to me because she always seems so full of Hope and Joy.

Photo of Annie and her family taken at her daughter Gracia's christening.

Last summer Annie wrote a post about Hannah from the Bible. I never really read Hannah's story but knew she was a woman who struggled with infertility. After reading Annie's post I read the story for myself and was struck how admirable it was that Hannah poured her heart out to the Lord. She told Him her desires.

From 1 Samuel 1:9-17 it says:

Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the LORD’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”

“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” 

She poured her soul out to the Lord! I am a coward in this area. Somehow, I have these strange fears of the Lord hearing my prayer and denying my request. He continues to prove His love for me, yet I still don't trust Him. I want to learn how to "pour my soul out to the Lord!" I remember there were times in my life when I did and how freeing it was. The next time I am troubled, please remind me of this story. I want to live this one out.

Ann
________

Ann,

This is such an amazing story. Praise God for Annie and your family loving her!

I hope we will always remind each other of this important part of our faith. "Freeing" is a great word to describe how it feels when we just let it out, give it to Him, and be done with it! (And let's hope when we're 80 we can look back on 40 years of faithfully living this out.)

Jen

Parenting Styles

Ann,

It seems that Myers-Briggs has been a theme in our conversations lately. I actually dread the subject since I took so many personality assessments in my past jobs; I knew "what" I was and that was that.

In those days I always fell into the same quadrant. But as we talked about the different personality types I thought it might be useful to take it again, especially since I would be answering from the perspective of a women/wife/mother and not an employee. So I took the test again, and there were certainly some differences. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say I believe it's going to help me understand the kind of parent I'm evolving into.

You are extremely social with your kids. I have regular play-dates and certainly get "out" with the kids, but in general I would be pretty content being home most of the time. Well, this is because I'm an introvert! DUH! I think because I'm not shy I always assumed I'm an extrovert, but of course that's not true.

Here's another revelation: I happened upon this online quiz, where I learned something interesting about a parent who is an S (sensing instead of intuitive). The results said I would take pleasure in the day-to-day activities of my children, but might get stressed about having to be particularly creative with them. This is exactly how I feel! I love the practical and necessary activities--the feeding, bathing, diapering, teaching--but when it comes time to play and maybe even use our imaginations? I'm in trouble. What I appreciated about this quiz is that it asks you the questions based on parenting, so it's easier to formulate answers. (For instance I do love being creative personally, but not with kids. This enabled me to isolate that fact.)

It's fun to learn information that will help us become more aware of our strengths and weaknesses. Of course we need to take it with a grain of salt, but if it helps us to accept how God made us and spurs us on to become a unique parent for our children, then I believe it's a good thing.

Jen

__________________

Jen,

If only you could feed my kids and change their diapers while I create musicals and masterpiece paintings with them! You could stay behind with the kids who need the down time and I'll take the rest out on a field trip.

I know Myers-Briggs is not the end-all-be-all but it has helped me communicate better with my friends, husband and children. I've also been able to be sensitive to my children who are introverts such as my eldest, Catina. Giving her time to be alone and not planning too much activity for one day has really helped her. She loves people but I know they drain her. Whenever we've had big family parties we have either made them short or have given her an "out" to be with less people during the party, which has really helped her. Children don't always know why they are overwhelmed, and if we can figure how they gain their energy we can point them in the right direction. This can serve them for a lifetime.

I'm looking forward to continuing to learn how God has created those around me, most of all our children. It has been fun and helpful to me to realize the similarities in personalities between Everett and Catina, and Levi and June. We can glean from one other what our children may need to help them be the best people they can be.

Ann

Girls' Room

For years now (10 to be exact), I've wanted to redo our bedroom. Ever since we knew Ada was coming along we had decided to switch bedrooms with the girls; the plan was to take the smaller room and give them the bigger one. Here is our before and afters of the girls' room. Our house was built in 1901 and I'm almost positive the wallpaper is from the original owner! Not really, but...well, just maybe.

BEFORE

 

So...I was waiting to take the "reveal pictures" on the day when we had completely redecorated and the room was perfectly clean, but since that only last seconds, the picture below is as close as I could get.

One thing I love is the curtains we ordered from Kohls. They block out light and sound and it really has helped the girls sleep better. Sleeping at the back of the house as helped, too, because they don't hear the neighbor leave at 6am which promptly wakes them up. I'm loving sleeping in until 6:45 am (insert sarcasm here)!

AFTER

 

I made these out of tiny canvases.

Greg built in these dressers and book shelves which really save space.

 

Some day the white beds will be bunk beds but the girls are a bit too young for that. Next year!

June checking out Ada's crib.

The girls holding hands in their sleep. TEARS!

Parenting Performance

Jen,

Have you ever been in a situation where you know you aren't being the parent you should be? I'm not talking the lazy days where you let your kids watch extra t.v. shows so you can just have a break. I'm talking about the moments when you are in public and you know you wouldn't act like that if you were alone.

This week my mother-in-law was over to see the girls and I was going to run out to Target and Trader Joe's. (By the way, the whole trip took me less than an hour and a half and I know with three kids it would've been twice that!) I was giving her instructions about Ada's bottle and Catina kept pulling on her hand. She has sore joints in her hands and we've told Catina repeatedly to not pull on Gramie's hands because they hurt. Well, Catina kept doing it. This frustrated me greatly so I finally grabbed Catina, looked her in the eye, and said loudly, "DO  NOT PULL GRAMIE'S HANDS!" Catina immediately broke into tears. I hugged her and told her that I understand she wanted to be with Gramie but she cannot continue to pull on her hand. She calmed down and immediately jumped back into being with Gramie, only this time asking her to play and not pulling on her hand.

Now for me this was a good scenario, minus the reality that I felt a little harsher than normal. Normally when Gramie is over I feel insecure and afraid to be the parent I really am, which seems to happens to me with women who have parented and now have children who are older. Obviously their children no longer whine and pull on their grandmother's hands when they aren't suppose to, and my fear is that they don't remember the moments their children acted this same exact way.

Wait a minute! You know, I take that back, this also happens with my peers--peers whose children never seem to misbehave. It also happens when I am around people who haven't had children yet. Somehow, I believe that in their heads they are saying "Well, look at her kid misbehaving and not listening. Tsk, tsk, tsk..." I listen to the voice in my head, believing it's also in their heads, and I freeze. I forget what I normally do in the situation where Catina is whining and misbehaving.

I no longer want to be that person. One of the things I try my hardest at is being a consistent parent. That doesn't mean I can't change my mind on how things should be handled, but whatever I choose and discuss with my husband, Greg, I should be consistent with.

Each season I choose new goals that I'd like to work on with each child. Recently, I started sharing those goals with Catina so she knows what we are working on. Some day soon I will share these with you but in the meantime please pray that I can be a more consistent parent in public and at home.

Ann

__________

Ann,

I believe judgement is one of the biggest hindrances to good parenting! 'Cause let's face it, we're all faking it and trying to build the bike while we ride it. I dream of being able to walk through the grocery store, totally ignoring the screaming child in my cart, without my face getting hot and embarrassed. Granted, I can seriously fake a "what's the big deal?" look, but wouldn't it be great for it not to come with a side helping of mortification?

I wish we could all parent securely and confidently. I predict the kids would sniff out our resolve and not even bother messing with us.

Can't wait to hear the goals! Just started doing that with the twins. It's one way I feel like I have some direction in our days at home.

Jen

Themes

Ann,

A couple funny things happened this week and strangely they're actually bringing me comfort.

Hannah sent me this ecard, which could not be more true for me.

This morning the boys and I were playing with some new balls. They're pretty small and we made a game out of hiding them, which always turns into shoving them inside our shirts while we act like we don't know where they've gone. I was lying on the floor and Everett was sitting beside me, the other two running around like monkeys looking for "Hayden's ball." Everett glanced my way, looked down at my chest, squeezed my boob, and asked, "Hayden's ball?"

Naturally I burst out laughing, totally out of control with laughter. When I stopped, he actually did it again, this time giving it not one, but three squeezes! I can only imagine he was trying to figure out if he was feeling the ball or not (NOT). Once I got my composure I explained what that lump was, and that it certainly wasn't Hayden's ball.

The laugh was so welcome, as I'd just been crying in the kitchen. Yesterday was the last day of nursing Hayden. Which means yesterday was the last day I'll nurse a baby. Ever. I've only been nursing him once a day for the past 2 months, but it's still the end of a chapter. I'm very thankful I dragged it out this long, but I'd already gone longer than I'd planned and it was definitely time.

And maybe since I don't need to watch my caffeine intake I'll head to Caribou and get a double espresso or something. Or eat six cans of tuna. Hmm...things I didn't really miss anyway.

Jen

______________

Jen,

I love when we have the presence of mind to laugh at the funniness around us. It helps us not take some of life too seriously. I am believing this is a great message to both of us that even though we will continue to need to let go and it may be emotional, that when we do our children again will remind us that they are moving on and are going to be o.k.

Ann

Spring Decor

I made this as a spring decoration for my Mom. (by Ann)

Blessed Be His Name

Jen,

I remember the first time the desire to have children hit me. It was the day my niece, Clara, was born. I remember how sad I was that I couldn't see her right away and I remember the first time I met her when she was a four months old. I totally fell in love! She was the cutest baby in the whole wide world!

A couple of years later my sister, Christine, and I became pregnant at the same time. Her with a boy, Sean, and me with a girl, Catina. It was our dream come true, minus the attached back yards. These kids are so bonded even though they live in New Mexico and we live in Michigan (so much for attached back yards!). Then June came along. Clara loved June right away and is such a lover of little ones. I'm really looking forward to her meeting our Ada.

In between Catina and June there was another little--one conceived in my sister. I remember the day she called to tell me she was pregnant. I was at a friend's 50th birthday party hanging out by a pool and feeling a bit sorry for myself because I really wanted another baby, and it seemed like those around me who were my age were pregnant. Her phone call shocked me out of my pity party and I was so excited to get to know another niece or nephew!

A couple of months went by when my sister, who is normally always sick when she is pregnant, started to feel better. At first I thought maybe it was because her baby was so different than the other two. But Christine knew in her heart something was wrong. I was with my parents when I got the phone call that she had lost the baby. We all just sat there, not knowing what to do. She was so many miles away and it really really sucked that we couldn't be there! We had no words and felt helpless to do anything.

Later that year Christine and her family moved from their home to work at a home for children who were neglected. Christine and her husband, Jonathan became house parents and at one point had 10 children in their home. And to think at times I think I'm overwhelmed! During their stay they fell in love with three little girls. These little girls wormed their way into the hearts of their house parents and their house siblings, Christine and Jonathan's kids, Clara and Sean. When they felt it was time to move on from being house parents it was very hard to leave their little girls. They kept in touch as much as they were allowed, and for a brief time had hope they might even be able to take these girls into their home.

Being away from these three girls is another loss for Christine and Jonathan and it's hard to understand "The Plan" in all of these losses. This reminds me of the lyrics to a popular song, which read:

You give and take away, You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name

Sometimes it's a hard thing to choose, but I pray our hearts will continue to say it!

 

I am praying blessings on this family, that they will know His love despite loss and that those around them who are part of the body of Christ will be given the wisdom of how to love them tangibly. They are a great family who have chosen to live their life for Christ; they have chosen to step out and love those around them and I am asking the Lord to bless them beyond their comprehension.

May those who have suffered a loss be comforted.

Ann

_________

Ann,

My heart breaks for Christine's loss. Miscarriage is devastating in so many ways, including the fact that it's a death that often goes unnoticed or can be easily forgotten. I do pray that women like Christine who've endured this would somehow find peace in their experience.

Her story of loving the girls from the children's home makes me think of the verse that gave me great comfort during my waiting years. It refers to the barren woman, but I believe it applies here. Sometimes we're mothers to children who are not our "own."

Isaiah 54:1-3

“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.

“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities."

Yes, God bless this family, and bless all their children.

Jen