Halloween

Jen,

This is the first year June really understood what was happening as she walked to each home. By the time we got to the third friends' home she looked at me with her huge eyes and said "CANDY?!" It has been a fun tradition visiting friends by car and then stopping at another home as our final destination for cider and donuts and a walk through their neighborhood.

Seriously?

Oh Mom!

Catina at her school party.

June at her school party.

Ann
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Ann,

Yes, our boys definitely understood it this year, too! To the extent that I had to leave our church's "trunk or treat" party because I could not stop them from eating candy. I'd lost all control.

I'd purchased three pirate costumes for the boys and made that our theme. When we tried on the outfits pre-Halloween little Levi wanted nothing to do with it--he wanted to wear the exact same Buzz Lightyear shirt he wears every single day of his life and pretend that was his costume. This is why it's wise to purchase $4 costumes from a resale shop.

Jen

In The Trenches: Infertility

Today's guest is Jen's friend, Asta. We love her witty comments and her heart. Her daughter, Stella, sent her paci away to Ada when she gave it up. How sweet is that?

Jen,

I thought I was going to hyperventilate. Could you actually be pregnant with another baby? I checked the text message again, and yep, it was really from you, and no, it didn't seem like a joke. Of course I was ecstatic for you. I've seen you walk through infertility and the loss of your first child (and then thankfully, the births of your boys). I knew this new life meant a lot to you.

But even in the joy, my stomach sank. There are days when motherhood just about does me in, and I only have one child. I can't imagine being you and facing the prospect of four kids under age 4! And yet, what's one of my highest desires right now? It’s to get pregnant and add another child to my already crazy life.

Asta, Stella and hubby Isaac after completing a 5K mud run!

This isn't my first time dealing with infertility. It took several years of trying to finally get pregnant with my daughter, Stella. We've always wanted at least two kids, preferably spaced the "optimal" 2 years apart. Well, Stella turns three soon and I'm not pregnant yet, so obviously God is running late according to MY perfect plans.

The waiting game is different this time around. Thankfully, I do already have a cute little girl living in my house. I'm usually too busy with her to dwell on what I'm missing. One hard part about infertility now is that my life is full of other mommy friends, and there's always somebody announcing a new pregnancy! I see other families with more kids and feel sad that Stella doesn't have a sibling yet.



Over the past few months, God has been working in my heart, and I am mostly at peace with waiting. To get there, I had to deal with some ridiculous lines of thinking. They seem pretty absurd now, but that’s where I was.

Ridiculous thought #1- "The reason I'm not pregnant is because I haven't proven myself as a good mom." It's as if I imagined God looking down on me and saying, "Hmm…that poor dear can hardly handle one kid. I'd better go easy on her and not send another!" Or worse, I must be doing such a horrible job that he's regretting His decision to let me be a mother in the first place.

While there are a lot of things I don't understand about God, I'm 99.9% sure that's not how it works. Lots of people who have NO business being parents have gotten pregnant (and reality TV wouldn't be nearly as entertaining without them). I don't actually believe that only those who are worthy receive joy-filled bundles from the stork. And yet…if I don't watch out, it's easy to feel like I must not deserve another child.

Taking after her dad.

Ridiculous thought #2- "I am such a wimp for thinking that parenting one measly child is hard work." Because I'm not dealing with, say, a newborn AND a toddler at the same time, I have a hard time feeling worthy of the exhaustion that comes with being a mom. My friends with two or more kids are the "real" moms, while I'm stuck back at the rank of "junior" mom.

I'm still wrestling with that thought, because, at the very least, more kids equal more laundry, and that sounds harder to me. The truth I try to hold on to is that God has given me THIS life for a reason. The comparison game can mess with your head no matter what aspect of life you apply it to.

Jen, I would love your prayers as I continue to wait and learn how to deal with God's answer of "maybe, but not yet."

Asta
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Asta,

I am so thankful for your honesty. You are in the trenches and so many couples can relate (though I wish that weren't the case).

I am also thankful for your friendship and support, and the example of great parenting you've shown me (People, Asta's daughter ASKS for broccoli for breakfast), and how you continue to serve and seek Him in all of this.

Ann and I have had you on our prayer list for a long time and will continue to intercede for you!

Love,

Jen

Stereotype

Ann,

Does everyone assume at-home moms are lonely?

On Monday morning I took the boys to storytime at our local library. I was planning on meeting a friend but her plans changed.

After the books and singing I got the boys settled with their toys (the incentive for sitting through the aforementioned). I noticed the women next to me chatting and I struck up a conversation with one of them. She asked if I had heard of this particular mom's group and was I interested in being a part of it? She was very kind and explained how nice it was to have an activity option every day and partake in adult conversation, especially since she was at home full time now. I took her business card and out of obligation and said I'd look into it.

After I left I replayed the interaction, trying to put a finger on my discomfort. Is it because I'm usually the one inviting people to things? It is strange to be on the other end I suppose. But as I thought more I realized exactly why it was awkward for me: She assumed I was lonely. Her mention of adult conversation and activities presumed I needed both. She probably saw a tired-looking pregnant lady dragging around three busy boys and assumed my life was isolated and chaotic. I'm not offended by this--she has no idea what my life is like! And after all, I was there alone...and looking tired and pregnant! Come to think of it, when I see another mom alone at storytime I sort of assume she's lonely, so why wouldn't they assume that of me? (And I've even mentioned MY moms group to one of them!)

I don't feel lonely in the least, nor do I feel isolated. But it got me thinking--what picture do people have in their minds when they find out someone is an at-home mom? And do I see myself as "one of them" or do I still feel like there's a stereotype and I don't fit it?

Jen

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Jen,

It's funny because if anything I crave alone time. I understand that you can feel lonely even in a room full of people but it's not something I feel often in this season of life. Sometimes I think a moms group sounds like fun but every day? How do they have the time?!

I've seen this go around Facebook a few times. Funny, eh?

Ann

Down Syndrome: Not The End Of The World

A great post from a fellow blogger who addresses the subject of Down syndrome, most days, being not that big of a deal.

http://downwitdat.blogspot.com/2012/10/he-aint-heavy-31-for-21-day-21.html

How To Tell Your Children About Down Syndrome

Jen,

Recently,a friend asked me how to explain to their child what is Down syndrome. I told her I wasn't exactly sure how to explain it because it's hard for me to wrap my brain around it! It's hard to explain a syndrome that used to limit people and now because of Early Intervention and Medication Intervention people are living two to three times longer than they did before, AND are capable of doing so much more than they ever could before. It's hard to explain a syndrome that talks about an extra chromosome. Um, yeah, like I really get what I chromosome is!

I've recently seen two videos I thought would be good to share. This one you can share with your kids.

I love this next video because it shows great diversity. This you can share with your kids, too. Don't worry there's nothing risky about it! They just might think it's a bit boring.

Our family is constantly learning new things about Down syndrome. For Catina and June, Down syndrome will not be unusual to them. I also believe that children are being taught younger and younger about acceptance of all types of people. It's our job as a parent to show acceptance when we encounter someone who is different than ourselves, and to ask questions and or find out more information to help our kids have a better understanding of those around them. This can help them know how to relate in a positive way.

As our lives progress I'm sure we will learn more about Down syndrome and better ways to explain to others what it means. When we do, I'll be sure to share!

Ann

P.S. To our friends who are "listening" in. This week we have received three requests from women who are waiting for their future children. Please remember to keep those who are trying to get pregnant or waiting for a child in your prayers. It's much appreciated!
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Ann,

Thanks for the videos!

I wonder if I know how your friend feels about telling her child about Down syndrome. My boys are obsessed with Ada and think (or hope!) every baby they see is her. I know a day will come when I'll need to explain what's different about her, and I feel like in that moment I have the chance to really set a standard for the way they accept others for the rest of their lives and I want to do it right. At the same time, I realize "that moment" has really already happened! I just have to keep those lines of communication open like you're saying.

And many prayers for our friends who are waiting. My heart aches for them and their journey.

Jen

Work At Home Mom

Ann,

I've always felt a little less-than when people comment about women being great multitaskers. I've always known I had trouble multi-tasking, but this phase of life has really brought it to the surface.

What's particularly difficult for me is juggling the day-to-day versus the brain-required tasks. If I have something on my list that I know will consume my brain, it actually BEGINS to consume my brain the minute it hits the list. Even though I know full well I can't even give the task an ounce of energy until kids go to bed or Levi gives me time on the weekend, it will weigh me down like a ton of bricks, making those already-difficult every tasks almost impossible. This is an issue with working out of the house.

I've been doing this freelance work for more than a year now. I am so thankful for the work. We started praying that God would somehow provide more income (even though I wasn't looking for work and Levi's salary was set in stone). A week later I got a call from a previous employer asking me if I could do some projects on the side for him. No coincidence. I love the work and the flexibility; it's actually the perfect scenario for me.

But sometimes the work isn't just PowerPoints and marketing posters, it's laying out a book or going back and forth with printers. Knowing the task is going to require concentration, not to mention parts of my brain that are a little dusty, I start feeling the pressure...and the pressure makes even the most menial of everyday tasks feel like an obstacle to that Brain Task that's coming. Doing laundry feels like a burden because I have this Task waiting for me, nevermind that I know full well I can't touch it until tonight!

Of course I'm learning to manage all of this, but I just completed one of those weeks where my whole family felt this weakness. Thank goodness my husband can crank out some laundry!

Jen

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Jen,

I think its unbelievable all that you do. I'm glad the Lord has given you strength to do it all. You are doing amazing job and I don't believe this is your weakness. You actually got it all done even if Levi did the laundry. I don't doubt that this feels heavy on you and there are times I wish you could quit even though you don't mind the work. I'm glad you and Levi are in it together.

Seriously, Jen, there's nothing that could've made this week better except hiring a sitter and having someone else do the work!

Ann

Rusty Art

Greg and I love rusty garden art. We bought this on a romantic get away in Hocking Hills. Maybe some day we will take a welding class and weld lots of big art together!