Recently, I was driving through Birmingham, the same route I would go to visit our Fertility Specialist’s office. It’s weird but every time I drive past there I have these mixed emotions. It’s the same feeling I used to get when I would drive to my appointments when I was trying to get pregnant. I was very anxious and nervous and not once did I feel confident that this next test or procedure would be the one. There were no guarantees and only God knew what would happen. These moments of intense emotions remind me to pray for our couples who are trying to conceive.
My heart has been heavier for them lately. Maybe because I now have a third child and never thought I’d be here without having to wait very long. Getting pregnant this past time more easily (11 months of being “open” to it) feels surreal and I know I did not accept the pregnancy as quickly as the others. I guess I was in shock and can’t believe it really happened. I mean, I got pregnant like a “normal” person and there was no anxiety involved. Having to work harder to have babies has been a part of who I am and I think this has thrown me for a loop. I was accepting that trying for long periods of time was a part of what I had to do to have children. I have such a heart for these women who are waiting for their babies and I don’t want them to look at my story and think I don’t remember or understand how they feel. I don’t want to forget because the journey has refined me in ways I am so grateful for.
I remember when we began praying for people who were trying to get pregnant and the Lord continued to give us more and more people to pray for. One woman’s name, we’ll call her Leah, was given to me by a dear friend and for some reason I knew this one was special to me. It’s hard for me to just pray for someone and not let them know that I’ve been through a similar situation, so we began to e-mail and talked once on the phone. I remember you started e-mailing with her as well and together we prayed for her. Recently, I was wondering how she was doing and in my response to her e-mail wrote the following:
I know this sounds funny because I know we don’t know each other well, but I do think and pray for you often. After each child has been born I have these weepy hormonal moments the first few weeks and I remember the first week after Ada was born I thought of you and cried. Not because I felt sorry for you, but because I really want your prayers to be answered. In the midst of infertility it is so hard to pray for ourselves. This is where Jen and I come in. We can pray for you. We can be your voice.
So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other--so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
I would love for us to be your Aaron and Hur.
One of the reasons we started this blog is to pray and love those who are waiting for their children. I’m excited about what is to come next!
I am excited, too. If not only to share the stories of these couples, but also to remind us of the divine and unpredictable nature of conception. The stories are real and close to home, and every single journey is unique.