2 and 5 Year Old Photos

Catina at 5 years of age.

Really wish she would've let me pick out the shoes but she has her style!

June at 2 years old

This is so June!

They are becoming best of friends!

Living in Community Can Be Messy

Jen,

This week I had a tough conversation with some good friends. It was tough because we were hashing over a previous conversation wherein I communicated something differently than I'd intended. Something that came out of love sounded angry and stinging. I wish I could go back and rewind and say things differently but I can't. I have felt very sad these past few days because of it, and have become fearful to communicate anything because I am afraid I will say things wrong again.

I could dwell in this place of fear and shame but I am going to choose not to. I am going to ask the Lord to heal me--and them--so that we can move forward. I am going to choose to go deeper with these friends even though my first instinct is to throw in the towel.

When Greg and I were first married we began to seek out those around us who wanted to live close together and share what we had in common. We imagined people dropping in at any time and eating many unplanned meals together. We were and still are a part of a group that aims to be like the people in Acts 2:42. At times we read farther than verse 42 and get excited about what we may possibly be someday.

Acts 2:42-47 (NIV)
The Fellowship of the Believers

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Those first years of our marriage I really struggled with those around me. Why didn’t they want to be together all the time? Why didn’t they drop everything to help? How come we were all living separately and not giving of ourselves to help those who were struggling? Why didn’t everyone have an open door policy?

The more I tried to live in community the more frustrated I became. At times I would become very angry and discouraged. I began to seek the Lord to ask Him what I could do to help create this unity that I sought. One summer morning while sitting on our back patio with friends I began to talk out loud about my frustrations and my confusion. Why did people think they deserved things they really did not deserve? In this, I began to talk about the expectations I had of my friends. I didn’t want to have expectations but somehow they were there, and the friends around me continued not to meet them. I wondered if I should lower my expectations but realized that wasn’t going to solve the problem and would be just as disappointing.

That morning we began to talk about the difference between expectations of people and hopes for people. I realized that if I expected something of someone then I was creating a line that they may or may not live up to. Inevitably, people would not reach the bar that I had set. Rather, if I had hopes for someone, this gave those around me the ability to grow into what I hoped for them. It opened my heart to forgiveness and love and changed me so that I no longer believed people have to be a certain way but that both of us could grow into a closer relationship. 

This began to change my beliefs and the community around me began to change. I still struggle with expectations and hopes. Sometimes I think I have hopes and they are really just expectations. I know though that if I can focus on His Hope the community around me will became more attractive and the hopes will begin to look more like Jesus’ rather than the expectations that look like me. I also know that I will fail again and again people and the Lord will need to forgive me, and I them.

Ann

______________

Ann,

I agree there is such a fine line between hope and expectations. Hope is so delicate and painful at times and takes such tremendous grace.

Lord, help us to bestow your grace unto others. Thank you for giving us what we don't deserve.

Jen

Mother's Day

Ann,

Happy Mother's Day!

Remember all those years when this holiday might as well have been called Everyone Who's Fertile (Unlike Me) Day? Oh, how I dreaded going to church on those days. There would always be roses or some kind of token given to the moms, "But please, even if you aren't a mom you are welcome to take one," the pastor would add. Do I take one and then hope everyone heard that disclaimer? I'm not saying I'm a mom because I took one, he said I could! Or do I refuse one, and just stick out like a sore thumb? I don't mean to sound trite, but sometimes you just have to laugh.

After Elisabeth was born and died, that first Mother's Day was a strange mix of pride and anguish. I go straight to tears remembering my friend Erin who sent me the most lovely card that May to recognize my "mom" experience. It's in Elisabeth's baby book and forever etched on my heart.

This Mother's Day, in addition to honoring my amazing mom and mother-in-law, I'm going to make a point to remember the women in my life who I know are waiting on a baby, or who have lost a child. I remember how much those small acts meant to me and I hope to pass along that love.

Jen

_________________

Oh Jen!

This holiday is like Christmas. For some reason whenever it came around I couldn't believe another year had gone by and we weren't celebrating a pregnancy! Thanking Jesus for giving us these gifts of children now.

Lord, comfort those who are waiting to be Moms, who have lost Moms and who have lost a child as we approach this day of recognition. May those around them be sensitive and loving.

Ann

Spoons

Congratulations, your child has Down syndrome!

Jen,

Lately I've been wondering if it's strange that I am not more sad about Ada's Down syndrome. I have heard a few stories where people who have children with DS have come up to a new parent of a baby with DS and congratulated them on the DS rather than the child. I'm sure they are doing this because they know how special the experience is but it is a bit odd.

I get it though. I'm excited about this journey we are on with Ada. Of course there are times when I wonder what it would be like to have no "special needs" in our house, but then I look at my "normal" child and remember that we all have special needs. I think often of where Lord is taking us: What will we learn? Where will he have me in ten years because of this life changing experience?

We wouldn't choose cancer or a divorce, but when it brings a person closer to Christ you can almost be glad. If someone else has the chance at the same path as you because of something that was put in your lives, they too will have the opportunity to grow closer to Jesus. I feel this same way about Down syndrome or even deafness. 

My views are changing as to how I view disabilities. Now I see them as blessings and I might not have before. I appreciate being among them rather than viewing it from the outside. I know I will appreciate Life more because of this journey and will hopefully long for and understand heaven a bit more while I'm here on earth.

On World Down Syndrome Awareness Day, March 21st, I saw this video. 

It blew me away how these children were from all over the world. How could they be a mistake? They permeated every ethnicity and it was beautiful. Their "simple minds" can teach us everywhere to live in the present and to love. I'm looking forward to learning more about this love people say they feel coming from people with DS.

Catina is very emotional, but when she is really sad about something she lays her head near Ada and suddenly becomes very calm. Her baby sister is already teaching her how to go to a calm place where things are simpler and where she feels loved.

May we embrace the challenges in our lives so that we can grow closer to Jesus, that we would learn to live more like Him. 

Ann

___________

Ann,

Amen!

So many thoughts, but mostly gratitude for your great attitude and also for keeping it real.

Jen

Satisfaction

Ann,

When I was a "career" person I was super loyal to my employers--it was sort of my thing. Not that I necessarily recommend it, but it worked for me.

Back in those days I would say, "They own us." Not in an oppressive way, but acknowledging that we have a responsibility to our employer even when we aren't at work. For instance, even though it's more fun to stay up late, it is wiser to wait until the weekend to do that since it's important to be well-rested for work. We have to make choices outside of work that still allow us to perform well at our jobs. This is also called adulthood.

I have not been functioning well at my job of being an at-home mom to 2 1/2 year old twins and a 15 month old. I've been staying up too late, and I've let the house get too disorganized. Today I actually had to pray that God would help me LIKE my children. Isn't that horrible?! But when I'm not living a life that allows me to do my job well, I'm unhappy. God created us to find joy in our work, and I need to take that seriously!

A fuzzy iphone picture I sent to Ann the other day. I'd given up and just let Hayden play with the Cheerios.

I know the lines get crossed when you're an at-home mom (I can sleep at work! Oh wait, I never leave work.), but the principle still applies. It would be easy to say "It's so hard to be be a parent, you need a break!" but sometimes I think I just need to be a better worker.

Ecclesiastes 2:25

A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God.

Jen

_____________

Jen,

You have a great point and because we stay at home I believe the lines can get fuzzy. My desk at work was always super organized but I'd hate for you to see my desk at home. It consists of a few piles and random toys. 

I agree that its good to evaluate the job we are doing and even though we don't have an official boss its good to "do everything for the glory of the Lord." My attitude could be better at times and when I focus on doing quality work rather than slacking I feel much better. I wouldn't refuse a break if it was given to me though! Those are needed, too.

Here's a great song by Steven Curtis Chapman. You might want to pull out your crackers because the video itself is cheesy but I like the words of the song.

I'll close now since I need to go sweep the floor for the 10th time! I'm pretty sure I am going to invent a vacuum system where you push a button and holes open up in your floor and every stray cheerio is sucked into the ground.

Ann

Garden Art

I made this with Greg's friend, Dan, as a surprise for Greg's birthday a couple of years ago!