Giving me a break

Ann,

So in our lifetime of friendship have you picked up on the fact that I'm a bit hard on myself? Well this week I had a little revelation. Here it is:

Give yourself a break.

Stop thinking that

EVERY. SINGLE. MOVE.

has eternal consequence.

That seems contrary to what I'm told in faith-based resources, but since the author doesn't know me personally, it's my job to take every piece of advice with a grain of salt. Since I am SUPER literal and serious, I have GOT TO CHILL OUT if I want to remain a healthy person while I raise these little guys.

Case #1: I'm starting to recognize and accept that some things are for a season. I mentioned to you the other day that I'm in a season where the boys are hard to take grocery shopping. I feel like a lazy mom if I shop without them, and I feel like I'm witholding a good learning experience from them, so I try to just suffer and bring them. But all of a sudden it's occurring to me that I DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER. We can work on this skill later, or in small doses, or who knows when! Sorry to yell but this is a huge weight lifted.

Case #2: Remember when Hayden was a baby and the twins were...well...babies, too? I had trouble taking them anywhere that didn't offer a cart. I recall taking them to a doctor's appointment and calling you crying afterward because it was so hard. Once we were in the room it was fine, but getting a newborn and two 14 month old babies from the car to the waiting room put me over the edge. You asked me if there was anyone who could have helped me and I remember saying "They are my responsibility." I can't recall your exact response but I think it was something like, "You are stupid and stubborn and I want to choke you. ASK FOR HELP."

I'm sure to the casual observer the obvious lesson here seems to be just that (help), but first I had to work through the belief that they're always my responsibility. Of course they are technically, but it doesn't make me negligent to ask for help for ONE APPOINTMENT. (More yelling, sorry). It doesn't mean I'll need help forever, it just means that for that moment, in those circumstances, I needed more hands. Period. No big deal.

I know these seem like small revelations, but I'm starting to recognize the not-so-healthy tapes playing in my head and figure out how to turn the channel. This onceisn't 100% there for me, but I'm definitely making progress!

Jen

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Jen,

This is very good news to hear! I am so glad you are recognizing the need for help in situations. Asking someone to hold the door for you while you try to get three kids into the door of a building is not asking a lot. Yes, I'm referring to the time you took the kids to the doctor by yourself and I'm being sarcastic about how ridiculous you can be. So glad I don't have to yell at you because you seemed to be doing all the yelling (Heh, heh).

It is humbling to ask for help and humbling to receive it. I can say from experience that, although humbling, so many people are longing to be a part of something. I know that you allowing them to help you would bless them and bring a sense of purpose to them. Even the person just holding the door for you is going to feel a little good inside for helping the crazy women with the four kids under three and under. God has called us to love Him and love others but what if we don't allow others to love us? What if we won't receive the love that is being offered?

I definitely will continue to pray that you find out more why its hard to accept help. If I could give you anything it's that. I always wish I lived close so I could help you. I wouldn't wait around for you to ask. I'd force it on you. 

Soon one of your blessings of a friend will be leaving for another state. I know she's been a great help to you and the boys love her. I'm praying for that void to be filled with others around you and that you'd learn what you need for help and how to allow others to do that.

Ann

Mom Knows Best

Ann,

Well, the day has finally come. My three beloved high chairs are gone.

As I've confessed before, I love the security they give (oops, gave) me. While the boys were nestled in their chairs I felt safe to run downstairs and change laundry or even go to the bathroom without fearing bloodshed in my absence.

But they are far too big to be lifted into high chairs, which also makes their recent habit of climbing into them a danger. I'm pretty sure those bars across the legs aren't built to hold 36 pounds of bouncing boy (that's Everett, for the record).

My mom was visiting this week and she suggested moving the table and chairs from their room into the kitchen rather than tackle my complicated idea of turning the high chairs into stools and buying an island built to a specific size...some people will do anything to avoid a little work.

And I'm happy to report they're all doing fine, much better than I expected. As usual, I'm realizing it's me who finds change difficult, not them!

As much as it pains me to admit, I'm glad I listened to my mother.

Jen
 

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Jen,

I never thought about how the high chairs actually gave you a bit of freedom. I have an almost six-year-old who mans the fort when I run somewhere. We've been without a high chair for awhile and now that Ada is sitting up it's coming back out and I'm wanting to cry because of it. The darn thing always seems to be in the way! Funny, how no matter what the change it can be annoying at first.

You have some good little boys there. Cute, too! I'm glad you had your mom around to figure out a new way of eating. 

Ann

Registering for Twins

Ann,

With another friend finding out she's having twins, I thought it was time to make these twin registry tips public. I've had a handful of moms ask about this, and I remember it being a major source of anxiety for me when I was having the twins. I wanted just enough stuff to keep everyone happy (ha!) but not so much that it looked like a Babies R Us showroom.

GOOD TO HAVE

Bouncy chairs (2): And if you spend lots of time in more than one room, consider another set.
Cribs (2): Some families keep kids in the same crib until they're rolling, but ours were such screamers I just couldn't.
Exersaucers (2): I had 2 and loved them even though it's a major sacrifice of space. If I were to do it again I'd make one of those a bouncer.
Baby gym (1): They loved being under it together!

Boppies (2) with lots of spare covers: This is how I fed them bottles for basically the whole year.
Pack'n Play or Moses basket (1): There will be a time, night or nap, when you have to separate temporarily. We swear by the Moses basket.
Strollers: First of all, a double snap'n go is a MUST! And we love our double BOB but if you aren't going on tons of walks then any old double stroller would probably do.
Pajamas (1,000 sets): I keep our babies in PJs for many months, so having lots of footie pajama sets was a great thing. BIGGEST WARNING: Don't buy any with snaps or buttons, and if you get some as gifts, I don't care how cute they are, put them in the return pile.
Sound machine: Not unique to twins, I love our machines and the myriad of sounds they block.

IF I COULD TAKE THESE BACK...

Swings: Only 1 was necessary. Space hog! What was I thinking?
Johnny Jumpers: These are fine but exersaucer served same purpose and they just became a tangled mess.
Pajamas with snaps and/or buttons. See above.
Front carrier: When I had Hayden I used my Bjorn all the time, but with the twins it sat and collected dust. Who are you going to choose to strap into the pack? You basically just let them scream while you get 5 minutes of things done and then go back and tend to the babies.

Can you think of others? Hoping my other moms of multiples friends will add a comment!

Jen

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Jen,

I remember you wondering what to register for and it's really hard to know when you've never had two at once before. I know you love your two high chairs. At some point you'll have to tell people how you went to the grocery store with twins and then three under 2! Here's my experience with twins.

Ann

The Lineup

Since we went from 0 to 3 kids in 14 months, I’ve not only used my “multiples” books to manage the twins, but since Hayden came along I’ve been able to utilize some creative solutions for parenting multiple young children.

I’ve kept the twins in high chairs longer than Super Nanny advises (I’m not kidding, I heard her yell at parents for having a 2-year old in a high chair) because it just works for us. They get plenty of opportunities to sit at the “big” table, but this is easiest for me until Hayden gets older. While they’re all secure (read: trapped) in the highchairs I can run downstairs and switch laundry or feed the dogs and not worry about the chaos. I also sit them in the chairs with a snack as I put on their socks and shoes before we head out the door.

Happy Birthday, Twins

Ann,

The boys’ 2nd birthday party with Levi’s family in the UP was great. This is the ridiculously yummy cake my mother-in-law made. If I had a big enough plate I’d just slice off that frosting and eat it straight up. Butter cream. You have no idea.

Of course they would have been satisfied receiving just these adorable toy cars from their cake. Well, at least for that day…I sure appreciate the generous gifts that will help get us through a long Minnesota winter!

Oh, and the best gift for very busy 2 year old boys? Etch-a-sketches. I ordered these to replace the dollar store “tester-sketches” we bought this summer and they were a hit.

(Everett’s covered in skittles; Levi took a chin-dive the minute we walked in. So much for birthday photos!)

Wish you guys and the girls could have been there!

Jen