Blood Test

Dear Jen,

Today we got the blood test results back. My doctor called and told me the test was positive for Down Syndrome. She seemed to linger on the phone and I felt as if I was consoling her. Ugh, this is the kind of reaction I dread! I think this made it more of a real possibility for Greg. He tends to wait for his emotions until he really needs to have them. We are still looking forward to this baby coming regardless but I feel this puts a weirdness on our anticipation. Do we tell people? If we don’t, would they be upset? Should we let them get used the idea just in case? Or wonder if she’s not? I hate to be over dramatic. One of my pet peeves!

Greg told me that at first June’s deafness bothered him and he was full of concern but now he looks at her and wouldn’t want her to be any other way. He knows we will feel the same about Baby #3!

Ann

Tests & Ultrasounds (response)

Ann,

This makes me crazy for you. People’s responses can be so frustrating, I totally know. It’s crazy how this theme of prayer and healing and grace keeps coming up for us.

I remember being so scared of people’s responses when we found out our news about Elisabeth that I actually emailed everyone except you and our parents. And in those emails I decided to be super-specific about how I needed them to act when I saw them: Please do not have sad faces, please do not tell me about your pregnancy. Please feel free to ask me how I’m doing, and understand that I may or may not want to talk about the situation, and let me say as much or little as I like, without lots of questions. I write this only as a suggestion to you, since we know people are going to say well-meaning but ignorant things. We both lived through that with infertility.

So complicated. Praying for all of this.
Jen

Tests & Ultrasounds

Dear Jen,

Today I saw the doctor to follow up with the ultrasound. The baby’s nuchal fold measured 6mm which can be cause for concern for Down Syndrome. I’m really not sure what to think. My doctor was talking to me like my baby was dead or something and it really bothered me, plus the pressure I was getting from her to have an amniocentesis. I’ve always passed on those tests and this does not make it any different for me. I did let her draw blood to check my hormones. Apparently, there is a hormone you can check to screen for Down Syndrome. It’s not 100% accurate so even after getting back the test results we still won’t know so afterwards I started doubting why I even did it. The doctor threw out the word “stillbirth” a few times and I think that’s what convinced me. I called Greg right after the appointment and he immediately told me that whatever the Lord brings we will be able to handle it and we will love her no matter what. I was thinking the same thing but it was nice to hear him say it. I have an ultrasound at the hospital and an appointment with a specialist in two weeks. I’m realizing that although it’s nice to have some follow-up, we still won’t know any more now than we will then.

My biggest dread in this whole thing is telling people. I don’t do well with people’s reactions if they don’t line up with how I want them to respond. It’s all an inner struggle. The hard thing is, I don’t even know how I want them to respond!

Ann

Hanging at the Pool

20-Week Ultrasound (response)

Ann,

I was shocked to see your text explaining that you have to go in for a Level 2 ultrasound since your baby has markers for Downs Syndrome. I just stared at it. I have no idea the emotions you must be feeling, and even though we both know this is not a tragedy, it’s certainly hard to imagine a child who isn’t totally healthy. Of course we have a picture in our heads and it usually doesn’t include special needs, so it takes a minute to digest.

Waiting with you for more info….

Jen

Pumpkin Creation

It took me forever to find the pumpkin seeds to make this.  Finally found them at the local gas station!  Who would’ve thought?  JEN!

20-Week Ultrasound

Dear Jen,

As you know today was our big ultrasound. I was pretty anxious beforehand because I know this is where they can see all the baby parts, like the heart. I really wanted Catina to come with us and that was the plan from the beginning but when it was time to leave she decided to stay home. I’m not positive why, but somehow I do think it has to do with us being at the doctor. The last time this ultrasound was set she said she had a stomachache and couldn’t come. I think this is the first time I really disappointed by her not wanting to do something for me. I envisioned her there and I was really weepy when I found out she wasn’t coming. It was the first time I wanted to pull out that old line “After I’ve done for you….”

Once we were in the ultrasound room I felt much better and was excited to see our little one. The baby was being really stubborn and wasn’t letting the tech see all of the heart and spine. We were having really bad luck with finding out the sex and she couldn’t see the face at all. No cute ultrasound pictures for this kid! The tech kept making comments about how she couldn’t remember the last time she didn’t find out the sex of the baby. Finally, right before she gave up she told us we were having another girl!

A girl! I can’t believe we will have three. Its funny how just the day before I mentioned how funny it was that you have three boys and I have three girls. Its like I knew she was going to be a girl. Greg was happy and felt like the middle name of the baby came to him during the ultrasound. We have a boy name but do not have a girl name so it was special that he thought of something we both liked.

I think this makes it official for our families. Together we make the Brady Bunch!

Ann